My wife and I recently celebrated our fiteenth anniversary. So I thought I'd share the sum total of my marital wisdom with you. Being a husband means...
...Shamelessly holding her pocketbook in public places while she tries something on.
...Redecorating your living room. For no apparent reason.
...Being told that your favorite outfit doesn't actually match. Not even close.
...Surprise footrubs. And by surprise footrubs I mean, all of a sudden like she plops her dogs on your lap and complains how much they hurt. You get the subtle hint.
...Not being surprised when she asks, "Wait, haven't you seen this John Wayne movie before?"
...Finding out "love, honor and obey" doesn't mean what you think it means.
...Listening to your wife tell you everything she ate that day even when your team is at 4th and inches. Actually listening.
...Toilet seats down.
...Being constantly asked, "What are you thinking?" and then explaining, "No really, I was wondering what I'd do if someone came in with a flamethrower."
...Sometimes you actually have to dust under the books.
...caring about her more than you care about being right. Even though you're totally and completely right.
...Watching "The Notebook" and actually having to stay awake because you know she's going to want to talk about it after.
...Trying to make yourself better to live up to the way she sees you.
...Understanding that what you said or did in 1992 is just as relevant as what you said or did yesterday. Maybe more so.
...means praying with her and for her.
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Love the list!
I know I’m supposed to say one of the nice, proper, mushy ones are my favourites but I have to go with the flamethrower. There has been countless times where I respond “Are you sure you really want to know this?” before I answer. She doesn’t realize that we guys actually think about things like that. Not that I’ve specifically worried about a flamethrower-wielding home-invader before but now you mention it… hmmm.
Congrats! And many blessings. (And still imagining the five year old:).
Matthew,
You should be off the hook on one of these situations: Ladies match their clothing, gentlemen coordinate.
Turnabout fairplay…should have your wife do Being a Wife means…
What is it with the toilet seat? Are my sisters and I the only women who really don’t care about the toilet seat’s position? Maybe we don’t care because we grew up with four brothers, but I have a feeling the toilet seat down is just a very vocal minority. I would much rather my boys leave the toilet seat up then forget to put it up in the first place.
You’re a better husband than I, I fell asleep about 30 minutes into the Notebook.
then marriage is ridiculous
This is one wife who does NOT want to watch The Notebook ever again.
Yeah guys don’t wear “outfits”. My movie that is like a tranquilizer dart to the neck is, The English Patient. Lastly I offer my life and all prayers, masses, Holy Communion in prayer to God for her and my kids always.
These are good, but Bill Engval (sp?) has the prize-winner. When your wife sighs and says, “Do what you want”, it absolutely means “DON’T YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!”
Being single means…. both the toilet seat AND THE LID are down. Always.
.
@MichaelP71— The English Patient is a tranquilizer dart for humanity. I have to question the sanity of anyone who actually likes that movie. Gah!
@Eileen LOL! With seven males in my household and a motley assortment of male cousins as well, I NEVER trust when the seat is down. I make a quick sweep of the surface with my hand because my *hand* is easier to wash.
Hey Matthew, I didn’t really read all of your article because I couldn’t get past your first sentence in which you misspelled “Fifteenth”. I feel it’s really important to proofread and edit before you publish your articles. Just sayin’.
@Annalisa - hah! I’m glad we’re not the only ones. There was a brief period when one of my boys was first learning to go standing up that that the rule in our house was the seat must be left up until that child could remember to put the seat up for himself. And so for a few months we actually had the reverse toilet seat issue - inevitably a teenager would go in the bathroom and shout out to the whole house, “Awwwww! Gross! Who left the seat down?”
After 57 years and counting, being a husband includes:
- braving an emotional storm when some important letter has been misplaced, and staying calm while being accused of tossing it out with the recycled newspapers;
- rubbing her feet to fend off spasms during the night;
- praying together after the death (too young) of a 44 year old daughter from cancer;
- benefitting from her care and love after my surgery;
- struggling with her fears when “threatening letters” on changes in our post-retirement medical insurance are received.
- enjoying visits with some of our 12 grandkids; (We love all of them; but prefer visits of a few at a time.)
A few years earlier, some of these items would have been replaced by others. Prayer and frequent attendance at Mass and reception of Sacraments is strongly recommended.
AMDG
TeaPot562
This one is great! You hit the nail on the head! It’s amazing how relationships all seem to be the same. I get the foot rub routine as well. And when I’m done with one foot, she’ll plop the other on my lap expecting the exact same treatment. Also, as the only guy in my family, I learned to put the toilet seat down a long time ago.
“Love, honor, and obey” is not in Catholic marriage vows and never has been.
@Terri,
You couldn’t “really read” the rest of the article because of that? Yet you can take the time to leave a snarky comment. Fool.
Great post, by the way. My husband is lucky in that I *hate* schmaltzy movies.
I hope this comment meats… I mean, *meets* Terri’s high standards of Internet posting excellence.
@ TeaPot562 - God bless you - your wife is truly blessed!
Come on, Matt—we all know you wrote this to apologize for the Jesus is God and wouldn’t be stupid enough to marry. You made a Freudian slip.
What a beautiful list. God bless you and your wife for this testament of your devotion to one another.
@Eileen. I thought I was the only one? lol. I don’t get it either ...and in our house there were only two men for a gaggle of girls!
Congrats on your Anniversary Matt!
@Eileen & An, you have obviously never gotten up in the middle of the night half asleep and not turning on a light (so as not to wake others) to go pee and fallen into the toilet because the seat was up. I have, not only do you get all wet, it also hurts!! Keep the seat DOWN!
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