America is finally winning its war on babies. And victory may finally be at hand.
If one looks at America's actions since the Supreme Court declared war on babies about 40 years ago it's apparent that this country sees babies as the biggest threat to the country and the world. And while there have been some major successes in the fetal resistance movement such as 50 million babies consigned to medical waste status, they continue occupying wombs and entering into America unbidden and unwanted.
In recent years, the United Nations even escalated the war on babies by declaring the inability to take a human life as a human rights violation. But still babies came. One UN official called babies "predators" and said "if they're so viable tell them to go live somewhere else." 
He insisted he's "not against babies per se, it's just that they're in occupied territory."
Scientists are scratching their heads as to why these "blobs of tissue" only seem to attack women. Women's rights advocates believes babies are misogynistic and want women to stay home. One woman suspected that a baby "occupied" her womb shortly after a night where she drank herself into a blackout and went home with a guy on a moped. "Nine months later I was punished with a baby," she said. Others say they're sure it has nothing to do with sex because everyone knows that sex is safe and completely without consequences.
The federal government has opted to fund the defense-from-fetal occupation industry known as Planned Parenthood. But even that industry, while it's taken care of a fair share of fetuses, can only do so much. Babies have continued to implant themselves into unsuspecting wombs and are sometimes even making it all the way to birth, demanding to be taken care of.
Fortunately, many of these fetuses have grown up and have been converted to the fetal-resistance movement. Our public school system and institutions of higher learning have worked wonders converting former fetuses into supporters of the war on babies.
But still the threat worsens. In fact, so dire has the threat become that the federal government has even taken to conscripting religious organizations to pay for prevention of babies entering America. Christians, especially Catholics, have been outraged by this mainly because of arcane doctrines from the Pope that forces Catholics to be what some derisively (yet accurately) call "fetus fetishists." Others say their support of babies has to do with putting more donations into the collection baskets.
It's impossible to understand who started this war but the Guttmacher Institute states that the babies started it by illegally occupying women and then coming into the world and destroying the environment and becoming a drain on the tax system.
But America may finally be on the brink of victory. News reports state that according to new analysis of government data by the Pew Research Center, the U.S. birth rate dipped in 2011 to the lowest ever recorded.
Most experts believe the America finally has babies on the run and will eventually achieve total victory over babies.
One somewhat ironic point some raise is that the federal government has continued borrowing money from future generations in order to fund the fetal resistance movement which is actually destroying the future generations they're borrowing from.
Others point out that when America finally wins the war on babies, there won't be anyone around to celebrate it. But others say it's only with the complete eradication of babies that Mother Gaia can begin to heal.
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Ha! Love this.
Fetus fetishists - ha! And that little guy at the top is too cute. Alas, I wish the article didn’t ring so true.
Forget the fiscal cliff. We’ve been falling off the fetal cliff for years. Have we hit bottom yet?
I laughed and broke down in tears at the same time.
Why is it that I love everything you write? This is one of the best.
So, so sad…but so, so true!
And I love the expression on that little guy.
There is ver little exaggeration in this piece, alas! We are intent on destroying ourselves, starting with the most vulnerable and defenceless. Lord have mercy.
Thank you, Catholic democrats for voting into office a candidate who advocates killing girls and boys even after they survive the attempt to kill them in their mom’s womb. Thank you for ensuring a generation of Supreme Court majorities against any attempt to stop the bloodshed. And I have not even mentioned that your candidate thinks he, not God, knows what defines marriage. Or that he continues to wage war against the Church under the guise of health care. Or that he refused to thank God on Thanksgiving. Or that this brutal “social justice” economy has led to high unemployment, high poverty, lower incomes and lower wealth.
Don’t forget the death panels and that he’ll take away our guns too, Mike. He’s a commie and a Muslim, dontcha know. You lost the election because the majority of the nation, once again, rejects the bile that you and the good folks at Fox News spew. You want to live in a theocracy? Head over to Iran or Saudi Arabia - you’d fit right in.
Hey Tiger,
You did not refute the BO is pro abortion.
Anon,
How could I - he’s clearly in support of it, a fact made clear in his campaign. The majority of Americans agree. Folks here seem to believe that if only a candidate would campaign on a total ban for abortion and contraception, they would be swept into office. What should be abundantly clear is that even a watered-down version (exceptions for rape or health of the mother) is unacceptable to even most Catholics.
Tiger, we most certaintly should not be concerned with the health of the mother. The fertilized egg has precident over her life.
Rover,
In this forum, it’s hard to tell if you’re joking or not! In any event, you’re free to believe that, and of course vote that way, as bizarre as this Catholic teaching seems to those outside the Vatican. But I suspect we agree.
This is as relevant as the “War on Christmas”—a total waste of time and space.
Contraception is the greatest achievement in human liberation. Like splitting the atom, the microchip, harnessing electricity or the printing press the ability to dictate your own fertility has allowed our species toadvance. Women get educated, can work and have great careers, and persue their own existential freedom.
I always found it ironic that the NEA sent money to pro-choice politicians. Can’t they see that they are eliminating their own job security?
Posted by Nuala on Sunday, Dec 2, 2012 7:37 PM (EDT):This is as relevant as the “War on Christmas”—a total waste of time and space.”
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Good catch regarding the relevance factors being related.Herod tried to mantain control by attempting to destroy Christ through infanticide, we try to mantain selfishness & control of materialism by taking Him out of Christmas & destroying young children in the womb.
I see the connections, too, but disagree with you that it’s a waste of time to discuss them.
“Contraception is the greatest achievement in human liberation…Women get educated, can work and have great careers, and persue their own existential freedom.”
Good for men, too, I suppose. They can have as much sex as they like with no babies to have to provide for—and with greater and greater frequency, no need to put a ring on a woman’s finger and provide a house in order to get it.
Americans are either fundamentally pro-abortion rights or anti-abortion rights, depending on how you look at it. A majority of Americans support abortion rights without restrictions in the first trimester; a majority opposes abortion rights after that, absent rape/incese/life of mother. GOP candidates who ran to the right of those realities were defeated. Obama may be pro-abortion rights, but my guess is that abortion numbers and rates decreased under him—as they always do under Democratic presidents. The Republican Party has been hoodwinking anti-abortion Catholics and other Christians for 40 years now; it’s time to wake up and realize that the GOP is not our friend and is not an ally in the anti-abortion movement!
“Contraception is the greatest achievement in human liberation…Women get educated, can work and have great careers, and persue their own existential freedom.”
Funny - I am educated, work, and have a great career in addition to being a mother of 4 (with plans of more) who doesn’t use contraception. I also manage to have a happy, balanced family life as well. It can be done if people actually make an effort, but putting effort into something seems to be a foreign concept anymore. It’s easier if people just hand us a “magic pill” to make it all better.
Andy ,
Sanctity of life issues are neither “right” nor “left” in any political sense.Really, Catholic teaching defends all life, even the most unlovable or the most criminal.We oppose the death penalty in virtually all instances.I haven’t heard much about the death penalty from either party recently.
I think you are partially correct about the GOP.Many good, pro-life folk vote Republican simply because there’s no other valid choice.Some GOP politicians are sincerely pro-life but quite a few are posers.
lol. Yes! Awesome. Brilliant.
“Others point out that when America finally wins the war on babies, there won’t be anyone around to celebrate it. But others say it’s only with the complete eradication of babies that Mother Gaia can begin to heal.”
This makes me think of the very haunting film, “Children of Men.”
Maybe the French are actually ahead in the war on conception:
“The sperm count of French men fell by a third between 1989 and 2005, a study suggests.
The semen of more than 26,600 French men was tested in the study, reported in the journal Human Reproduction.
The number of millions of spermatozoa per millilitre fell by 32.3%, a rate of about 1.9% a year. And the percentage of normally shaped sperm fell by 33.4%.”
BBC Health News article today.
Do you have any proof, whatsoever, to substantiate this comment?
>>One UN official called babies “predators” and said “if they’re so viable tell them to go live somewhere else.”<<
I am pro-life, but we don’t have to resort to false comments if they are indeed false.
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