Awww, look at the adorable parasitic foreign organism sucking the life out of you.

05/12/2014 Comments (14)

Slate Magazine just published this piece that would be hilarious if it were meant as satire. Sadly, it's not.

Rebecca Helm, a PhD candidate at Brown University thank you very much, acknowledges Mothers Day by apologizing to her for forming in her womb. She calls it "probably the worst thing I’ve ever done to my mother." C'mon, I'd bet the bills during all those years of Ivy League education was much worse than just nine months in her womb.

Or maybe the embarrassment of your child writing for Slate Magazine may be worse.

It all started when I was a zygote. I was floating through your uterus when I bumped into your uterine wall. I’m not proud of what I did next, but I really wasn’t...READ MORE

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One Judge Away from a Religious Freedom Calamity

05/06/2014 Comments (19)

In what must be seen as a near-miss, the Supreme Court ruled that public officials could open public meetings with a prayer.

I'm thrilled, don't get me wrong. It's a victory for religious freedom. But the ruling was 5-4. That's a sobering thought. The Supreme Court was one judge away from seriously curbing religious freedom. What four justices essentially said was that if you're an elected official you give up your right to express your religion at public meetings.

But here's the thing -say the town council is all Christians. Are they supposed to pray a Hindu prayer at one meeting, a Buddhist one at the next, an Islamic prayer at the next, and then maybe just maybe a Christian one. That...READ MORE

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The Papyrus that "Proved" Jesus Had a Wife? Yeah, That's a Fake

04/30/2014 Comments (13)

An announcement that's sure to bum out progressives everywhere is that the much ballyhooed ancient papyrus which PROOOOOOOOOOVED that Jesus had a wife isn't actually...uhm...real.

You might recall that two years ago, Harvard professor Karen King announced that an ancient papyrus mentioned that Jesus referred to a wife. Hey, it was written in some old type language on a piece of dirty cloth and it said something that many people wanted to believe so therefore it had to be true.

Another piece of text stated that Mary (presumably Magdalen) was "worthy."

Hmmm. Kinda' interesting that an ancient scribbler seemed very concerned with clarifying issues that 21st century progressives cared so...READ MORE

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I'm Not Offended

04/23/2014 Comments (48)

Who'd have thought that that a little thing like the internet could transform the greatest country in the history of the world into an army of 24-7 perpetual rage monkeys? Well, it has. Everyone's offended. All the time.

The level of discourse in this country has devolved into a combox discussion.

Maybe the reason people like being offended is because they think it gives them carte blanche to say ridiculous things like "carte blanche" or just to act like complete morons and blame you for it. It doesn't matter if you give offense, they're taking it. No givebacks.

Maybe "I'm offended" is the 21st century equivalent of holding your hand to your chest and gasping, "Well, I never." Except now...READ MORE

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12 Common Catholic Problems

04/11/2014 Comments (39)

Your priest absolutely knows its you in confession because you're the only one there who has four kids who confess right before you.

Your active participation is questionable at Mass because you're watching your son, the altar boy, to make sure he doesn't mess up. It's like attempting to will a bowling ball to turn the right way.

Someone sneezed during Mass should I say "God bless you" or just stay quiet? If you say "God Bless you" at mass, isn't that redundant? Should you just save it for the sign of peace, but then again do you really wanna shake that guy's hand?

Oh no. I just responded by saying "And also with you" and now everyone around me thinks I haven't been to Mass in two years!...READ MORE

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Whenever Two or More are Gathered in His Name…It Better Not be in a Public School

04/04/2014 Comments (15)

Whenever two or more are gathered in His name, it better not be in a public school.

A federal appeals court has decreed that New York City churches are prohibited from meeting in public school buildings because of the separation of Church and state...or something.
 
That decision overturns a lower court ruling.

The case dates all the way back to 1995, when a small church in the Bronx attempted to rent space in a public school as is done quite frequently by many groups. But the Board of Education denied the request.

The list of government enforced "Thou Shalt Nots" for Christians grows ever longer. Thou shalt not resist government mandates that require you to pay for abortifacients. Thou...READ MORE

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So When Can We Start with the Nazi Analogies Again?

03/27/2014 Comments (12)

OK, now that a hospital has been found to be using aborted babies as material to heat the hospital, is it OK yet to invoke the much maligned Nazi analogy? I know. I know. Any analogy to Nazis is outrageously hyperbolic and ridiculous. But can you just think about this for a second? A hospital was using aborted babies to heat their building. Just thinking about it shrivels my soul.

The number of aborted children since Roe is up to about 55 million (I think I'm rounding down but hey what's a few million babies, right?) so when is the Nazi analogy allowed again? I'm looking for a number.

It seems to me that Godwin's law is being used as a get-out-of-the argument free card. Their position...READ MORE

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Sensus Fidelium on Steroids

03/24/2014 Comments (37)

We've been hearing a lot about sensus fidelium recently. It's the only Latin word some Catholics will allow to be uttered. It's definition for many seems to be "what we say goes." Or if enough Catholics believe something stupid, it becomes right.

As if God gives into mob rule.

You often hear it brought up when it comes to the Church's teaching on contraception, abortion, and gay marriage. The argument goes that 98 percent of the Catholic women have used contraception so therefore the Church should change its teaching. It's really religion by poll. But Catholicism is about the gospels, not Gallup. If it were we'd be Unitarians.

There's a certain hubris to it in that there's a belief that...READ MORE

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About Matthew Archbold

Matthew Archbold
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Matt Archbold graduated from Saint Joseph's University in 1995. He is a former journalist who left the newspaper business to raise his five children. He writes for the Creative Minority Report.