12 Catholic Words that Don't Sound Like What They Mean

Thursday, July 07, 2011 11:17 PM Comments (117)

I was born a Catholic but that doesn’t mean I knew anything about the faith until I decided to investigate it for myself in college. In my research, I came across a number of things that weren’t true that I thought were, many things that were true that I hadn’t thought were true, and words that I misunderstood completely.

So to help others here’s a list of Catholic words that probably don’t mean what some may think they mean.

Acolytes - Sounds like something you drink to flush out your system. Hyper-Ade! Now with extra acolytes. In reality it’s one who assists in the celebration.

Aspergillum - Let’s be frank. It sounds like a fungus that wraps itself up in your intestine and makes you...READ MORE

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Abortion Is Just Like Getting a Tooth Pulled

Monday, July 04, 2011 12:11 AM Comments (21)

In Indiana, where Planned Parenthood could possibly lose access to millions of Medicaid dollars, they’re arguing that they should be treated just the same as all other medical providers. No different. They’re insisting on not being singled out.

So you’d think that Planned Parenthood would be pleased that Kansas was treating them like other surgical facilities. But no. In Kansas, legislators are beginning to hold abortion clinics to the same standards as other medical/surgical clinics like having doorways that gurneys can pass through and a two hour recovery period after a procedure. But Planned Parenthood is arguing they want to be held to different (lesser) standards than other clinics in...READ MORE

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Hilarious Church Bulletin Bloopers

Tuesday, June 28, 2011 10:04 PM Comments (37)

OK. There’s a lot of serious stuff going on in the Church and in the world right now and I was prepared to write on them but then I received an email from a friend of mine about Church bulletin bloopers and I laughed so hard I nearly choked to death. (I’m actually not kidding. My wife came running into the room to see if I was OK.) I have no idea of the veracity of these or their orignal source but they struck me as funny so I’m thinking you’ll probably get a laugh or two out of it as well.

Here they are:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals..
—————————————
The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water.
The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.
—————————————
Ladies, don’t...READ MORE

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The Sportswriter vs. The Archbishop

Friday, June 24, 2011 2:56 AM Comments (180)

The push for same sex marriage in New York has been filled with name calling and harsh accusations, mostly from the pro gay marriage side - you know, the so-called “tolerant” ones.

Sportswriter Mike Lupica is a perfect example of that vicious trend. Lupica blatantly and unfairly attacked Archbishop Timothy Dolan in New York’s Daily News over gay marriage yesterday, accusing Dolan of “demonizing” gays just to become a Cardinal. Of course, he has no evidence to substantiate what he’s saying but facts didn’t seem to enter Lupica’s head while writing his hit piece.

writes:

First there is Archbishop Timothy Dolan, who came here from Milwaukee and sounds more like somebody from out of...READ MORE

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I Have No Idea How I'm Doing as a Dad

Monday, June 20, 2011 1:01 AM Comments (18)

So today was Father’s Day. I took the kids to the mall and they rode the Merry-go-Round there. As we were sitting on line this three year old named Bobby in front of us was reading to his Mom. Reading!

So I realized today ON FATHER’S DAY OF ALL DAYS that I suck at parenting. If I gave my three year old a book she’d probably just hit the five year old with it.

I got me thinking. It’s a strange thing about parenting. Most of us have no idea how we’re doing. None.

Working in an office or around other people you can gauge how you’re doing from what your manager says, or raises or reviews. But in parenting you’re the manager, there are no raises and your reviews consist of “Dad, you burned...READ MORE

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I Know What You Did Last Sunday

Tuesday, June 14, 2011 11:04 PM Comments (71)

The threat was out there. Actually it wasn’t a threat, it was a warning. Archbishop Allen Vigneron warned Father Robert Wurm not to preside at the liturgy organized by the progressive American Catholic Council this past weekend.

Father Wurm seemed, to put it lightly, unfazed.

Catholic Culture reported:

Father Wurm told reporters that he was not worried about a disciplinary response, because as a member of a religious order he is not directly subject to the archbishop’s authority. He also pointed out that at the age of 78 he is already retired from active ministry.

That kind of public dismissal of an Archbishop is calamitously unhealthy and dangerous for the Church.

Of course, the...READ MORE

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OCALHEAP!!!

Thursday, June 09, 2011 11:46 PM Comments (16)

I’m going to explain this in chronological order. It’s the only way. I could go back and forth thematically but it’s best just to tell it like it happened.

Last week I woke with a start. I realized like I do every week that I forgot to take out the garbage. So I woke the four girls and the boy by dashing into the room, turning on the lights, yelling at the girls, and pulling blankets off the boy and throwing them across the room because that’s the only way he’ll get up.

They weren’t scared because they get this fire drill wake up call once a week (on Garbage day) so they know not to panic. I raced down the stairs, ran outside into the driveway in my bare feet and stepped into ... I’m...READ MORE

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Obama: Kill Babies or I'll Hurt the Poor

Sunday, June 05, 2011 10:44 PM Comments (118)

It happens all the time in movies. The snarling bad guy is cornered by the good guys so he grabs some poor hapless victim, puts a gun to their head, and tells everyone to back off or he’ll hurt the poor hapless victim.

Well, believe it or not that’s what’s happening right now between President Obama and pro-lifers. And sorry, but Obama’s the snarling bad guy.

As we all probably know the Indiana legislature passed a bill defunding Planned Parenthood, the abortion giant. And thankfully, Governor Mitch Daniels signed the bill.

That’s kind of a big deal because other states may gear up to do the same. Planned Parenthood doesn’t like that and sued Indiana of course but more importantly, they...READ MORE

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About Matthew Archbold

Matthew Archbold
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Matt Archbold graduated from Saint Joseph's University in 1995. He is a former journalist who left the newspaper business to raise his five children. He writes for the Creative Minority Report.