How I Became a Dad

Sunday, September 18, 2011 10:46 PM Comments (26)

Men are miserable when their wives are pregnant because, let’s face it, we don’t have anything to do. Present for the conception, we’re then faced with nine months of absolutely no specific responsibility. We have nothing else to do but wait for the baby to be born. And guys stink at having nothing to do. Fortunately, hormones can make women very demanding during pregnancy so there’s never a shortage of things to do. Whether it’s fulfilling some strange desire for Tacos or painting the baby’s room yellow because she didn’t like the shade of teal you painted it last week, there are jobs to do. There are so many layers of paint in the baby’s room that I can now touch both walls with my hands...READ MORE

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I'm a Widdle Drunk

Wednesday, September 14, 2011 12:22 AM Comments (33)

I’m not anti-social. Really. I live with six people, so how could I possibly be classified as anti-social? It’s just that I don’t particularly like having people not named Archbold over the house. It’s mostly that I know what takes place before non-Archbold people arrive. My wife makes us all clean the house. Like crazy.

I bring this up because we were getting the house ready for a barbecue/party this past weekend. I honestly don’t even know why we were having people over but we were. My wife is crazy. I can tell you this because I’m pretty sure she doesn’t read me all that often. To prepare for the party, my wife thinks she must make the house look like nobody lives in the house or has...READ MORE

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The Anti-Catholic's Guide to Catholic Comboxes

Thursday, September 08, 2011 11:46 PM Comments (402)

I’ve been a Catholic blogger for a few years now and I’ve noticed that angry atheists and just plain ol’ anti-Catholic folks can’t seem to stay out of Catholic comboxes. Like moths to a flame they just love igniting flame wars in our comboxes. I think there’s probably some good news in that because they know they’re missing something and I think part of them coming back is to fill that hole in their lives.

I think many Catholic bloggers don’t see the angry anti-Catholic coming. So I offer this as a “What to Expect when you’re expecting anti-Catholic Commenters.”

As far as I know there is no “Guide to Catholic Comboxes for Anti-Catholics” but I thought it would look something like this:

...READ MORE

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Should Notre Dame's Coach Be Fired for Cursing?

Sunday, September 04, 2011 5:04 PM Comments (260)

The University of Notre Dame’s football coach Brian Kelly had a rough day yesterday. A very rough day. His team had five turnovers at the worst possible moments—many of them in the red zone. The loss is damaging to Notre Dame because many thought this season would be different from so many others when the Irish seemed poised for greatness only to fail.

While what happened on the field was disappointing, I think what occurred on the sidelines was worse. A purple-faced Brian Kelly cursed and screamed at not only at his players (who are 18-23 years old), but he did it on national television for people of all ages to see. And let me tell you something, you didn’t need to be a lip reader to...READ MORE

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Atheist Brokeback Mountain Movie Bombs!

Wednesday, August 31, 2011 1:34 AM Comments (77)

If an atheist movie falls at the box office, does it make a sound? Not in the media it doesn’t. But that’s why we’re here to point these things out.

Remember the movie “The Ledge?” Well, of course you don’t. Nobody does. I think even the actors in it (and there’s some big ones) are working on plausible deniability.  The Ledge came out during the summer and was billed as the “atheist Brokeback Mountain.” And they meant that as a good thing, just so you know.

The director Matthew Chapman explicitly labeled it “the first overtly pro-atheist movie.”

Essentially, the plot is a nice oppressed married Christian woman (we know she’s oppressed because she wears her top button done) meets a cool...READ MORE

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Is Pope Benedict XVI a Commie?

Wednesday, August 24, 2011 12:57 AM Comments (160)

There seems to be an opinion from some corners that Pope Benedict XVI is quite the commie and as dangerous to the free market as leftist icon Warren “Raise my taxes, please” Buffet. Richard Epstein of the Hoover Institution and Andrew Stuttaford of National Review Online seem to think so anyway.

Epstein writes that socialism has gotten Europe and the United States into trouble and says the solution is “limited government, low rates of taxation, and strong property rights.” On that we agree. But Epstein then posits that based on his comments at World Youth Day, capitalism clearly has an enemy in Pope Benedict XVI. On that we disagree. There is no greater friend in the world of individual...READ MORE

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You Can Never Afford Them

Thursday, August 18, 2011 10:04 PM Comments (88)

I have a smart mouth. My brain, not so much. But I know I’ve done enough damage to people with my words that I’ve learned over the years to hold my tongue. So I tend to… ruminate, as my wife calls it. (She thinks that’s better than calling me dumb.)

But when confronted by a smart aleck comment, my mouth wants to attack. Maybe it’s growing up with five smart aleck brothers and one smart aleck sister but I learned to aleck. I may not be smart but oh boy do I aleck. I aleck lots.

I’m telling you this because a friend of mine had a barbecue this past weekend. As my kids and I got out of our car and walked up the driveway, I spotted a man getting out of a huge black SUV. As God as my witness...READ MORE

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The Horrible Meanings Behind Nursery Rhymes

Sunday, August 14, 2011 11:40 PM Comments (58)

My wife went out to a shower today. I’m still not even sure if it was a baby shower or a wedding shower. I don’t really ask a lot of questions. All I know is she got dressed up and left me home with the five kids.

It was raining so me, being Super Dad, picked out a large book of nursery rhymes from our bookshelf to read to the four-year-old. I asked my six-year-old son if he wanted to listen and he looked at me like I had three or maybe four heads that were each speaking Portuguese in Pig Latin.

OK. I’ll take that as a no. I’m perceptive like that.

I started with Humpty Dumpty, the epic tale of an unfortunate egg. My eight-year-old daughter, sitting nearby, interrupted by asking “What’s...READ MORE

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About Matthew Archbold

Matthew Archbold
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Matt Archbold graduated from Saint Joseph's University in 1995. He is a former journalist who left the newspaper business to raise his five children. He writes for the Creative Minority Report.