A reader writes:
As a practicing Catholic, can I be buried in a non-Catholic cemetery. No one in my family is Catholic except me and I would like to be buried with my family.
It’s a logical question, and an understandable desire.
It’s a logical question because many Catholic parishes and dioceses have cemeteries, and it would seem natural—as a Catholic—to be buried in one of these.
It’s an understandable desire to want to be buried with one’s family, where after your death your loved ones may still visit your grave, take care of it, and remember you. It’s a way of maintaining a connection with those you have left behind.
I could imagine someone saying, “Well, if your family isn’t Catholic, they won’t pray for you when they visit your grave. But if you were buried in a Catholic cemetery, then people would, and that would help you out even more after your death.”
Maybe.
You might get some extra prayer if you’re in a Catholic cemetery, but the Church prays for all of the departed, regardless of where they are buried. Also, you might get more prayer from non-Catholic relatives than you think. The heart knows things about the way to the dead that the head sometimes doesn’t, and I’ve seen non-Catholic members of my own family talk (i.e., pray) to departed loved ones—out loud—even though this isn’t part of their theological tradition. It’s only natural to also ask God to help, be merciful to, etc., one’s departed loved one, and the same thing happens in non-Catholic families, simply because the heart demands it, even if there is no theological rationale for it that they hear preached in church.
There’s also the fact that not being buried with one’s family could send a very confusing signal to them. In at least some cases it could be taken as a rejection of the family. That might not be rational, but—trust me—people get irrational at funeral time. And I can see a person judging that, in their own family’s case, it would be evangelistically unwise to set up a Catholic Church vs. the family paradigm in the minds of the bereaved.
I think it’s fair to say, then, that this is a complex and sensitive subject, with decisions being best made by those most involved, with the most knowledge of their own family situation.
Here is what the Code of Canon Law has to say
Can. 1180
§1. If a parish has its own cemetery, the deceased members of the faithful must be buried in it unless the deceased or those competent to take care of the burial of the deceased have chosen another cemetery legitimately.
§2. Everyone, however, is permitted to choose the cemetery of burial unless prohibited by law.
The statement that if a parish has its own cemetery then the faithful “must” be buried is not intended to restrict the ability of the faithful to choose where they will be buried. Rather, it is meant to ensure that they will be able to be buried in the parish cemetery (i.e., the pastor is to grant permission for and preference to parishioners over non-parishioners if room is limited, etc.). That it is not meant to limit the ability to of the faithful to choose their place of burial is made explicit by the remainder of this canon, in which the ability of each person to choose the cemetery in which he will be buried is expressly protected as long as no other law is being violated.
The reference to other prohibitions by law appears to refer to particular laws that may exist in specific countries or dioceses. The Church’s universal law does not appear to contain any such prohibitions.
So the faithful have the ability to chose their place of burial, and it doesn’t have to be a Catholic cemetery. They are free to be buried in their family plot unless something else intervenes, which is highly unlikely if you’re just wanting to be buried with your family.
What happens in that case?
Sometimes people are concerned about whether they will be buried in “consecrated ground,” such as is found in a Catholic cemetery. While there graves can be blessed, and while this is desirable, it is not a sacrament and will not affect one’s eternal destiny. It is a way that the Church intervenes on behalf of the dead to implore God’s blessing on them. It is not, however, something available only in Catholic cemeteries. In another place, the Code of Canon Law provides:
Can. 1240 §1. Where possible, the Church is to have its own cemeteries or at least areas in civil cemeteries that are designated for the deceased members of the faithful and properly blessed.
§2. If this cannot be achieved, however, then individual graves are to be properly blessed.
So, in the case of a Catholic being buried in a family plot that belongs to a non-Catholic family, the thing to do would be to simply have that person’s grave blessed (the rite for this is found in the Order of Christian Funerals—the Church text used in this case). So one need not scruple on this point.
If the reader feels that it is best to be buried with the family, the Church’s law provides for this.
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Thank you so much for answering this question. My family is buried in so many different places that it would be impossible (i.e. military graves) or inconvenient (distance) for my husband and myself to be buried with them. We have agonized over where to be buried and, if our parish has a cemetery (still unknown to us at this point), that is where we will go. If not, there is a not-for-profit cemetery that is close and quite beautiful. Thanks again for answering a question that has been on my to-do list for about 2 years!
My aunt was laid to rest in a non Catholic Cemetary. The Priest blessed her plot with holy water and said by doing so he was making her grave a Catholic grave site. Just a thought.
What about the other way around? Can non-Catholics be buried in Catholic cemetaries? Esp. if the person wants to convert but family is against it?
There are many advantages to being buried in a Catholic cemetery, which this article did not mention. Of course Catholics can be buried wherever they want, even at sea or cremated and ashes scattered in nature. Regardless, the living should honor the wishes of the deceased. At the same time, it would be wrong to deny the deceased a burial in a Catholic cemetery to avoid offending a non-Catholic family’s feelings. Our real family is with Jesus in eternal life, and our earthly family members aren’t always in agreement with that.
http://holycrosscemeteries.com/advantages/index.htm
I posted the above link which lists all the advantages of being buried in a consecrated cemetery, which weren’t explained in this article. Of course Catholics can be buried anywhere, at sea, even cremated with ashes scattered in nature. Regardless, the living should honor the deceased’s wishes. At the same time, the deceased should NOT be denied a Catholic burial in a consecrated cemetery to avoid offending non-Catholic family members. Our true family is in heaven with God, and our earthly family members aren’t always in agreement with that.
Can you imagine how God must be laughing at our pettiness over such a minor issue!
@That Hat Lady
Actually, the Church strongly recommends against cremation and Catholics who have had their remains cremated may NOT be “scattered in nature” the Church specifically prohibits this.
See the discussion here http://scripturecatholic.xanga.com/703979034/9-can-catholics-be-cremated/ as well as the relevant articles in the CCC.
In Christ,
-Greg
Actually, the Church forbids having ashes scattered in nature. It allows cremation, but the cremated body must be buried, the ashes cannot be scattered or kept in an urn on the mantle.
I was told that because of mixed marriages, the Archdiocese of Chicago allowed non-Catholic family members of Catholics to be buried in Catholic cemeteries, even before Vatican II. I don’t know the canonical details of this, but it is what I was told by personnel at the cemeteries, and it is mentioned in the Archdiocese’s literature on the subject.
I do know that some diocese were more strict about this than others, and there are stories about husbands and wives having to be buried in separate cemeteries because the spouse was not Catholic. I also know of at least one instance where an apostate Catholic owned a grave in a Catholic cemetery, and the diocese tried to prevent the burial. The matter ended up in the civil courts, and the court ruled the Church had to allow the burial. The diocese ultimately complied with the court order.
@Gene: Loved your comment and to get on the lighter side also…My parents are buried in a Catholic Cemetery. When my oldest sister, who never married died, we wanted her buried near our parents, but none was available, so we bought a plot nearby in the next section. After my sister’s funeral we went to the plot for her burial and no one was there. [no earth dug or anything] Then we went to speak to the church secretary and lo and behold, they were going to bury her in my brother’s plot where he is buried. [same last name] We went there and the hole was dug next to my brother which should have been for his wife. Well there were apologies from all, so the priest asked if it would be alright for him to hold the service there since the casket was there and everything was prepared and we said yes. The cemetery people said that they would see to it that she was buried in the right plot when we got back after our lunch. Afterwards we had to laugh at this because the sister-in-law would have been furious at this happening, after all it was her intended plot. [she had not attended the funeral] I still think it was humorous.
I had an infant sister that died at birth in the 40’s. Our then parish pastor denied her burial in “hallowed ground” because of the nature of her emergency baptism, so we laid her to rest in a non catholic grave which was blessed by a Jesuit friend of the family. All in all a trying time for my family which my late father attributed to the fact that the churches are run by men who are prone to error (like we all.) Dad taught us that it is Christ who understands our intentions, so our sister will be acceptable to Him.
Thanks for this. I(convet) had been concerned because I got my cradle Catholic husband to buy plots next to my parents in a secular cemetary.
My mother in law was not Catholic but she is buried with my father in law (his third wife the other 2 had passed away). She was cremated but Father Mike said some words over the grave to make my father in law happy. 2 years later he was beside her in the Catholic side of the cemetary.
I know one family member was buried in a non-catholic cemetary because she had married a non-catholic and a priest would not bless it(this was back in the 40s or 50s). That was one of the few things that would make my folks mad but they never discussed it except when putting flowers on her grave. When they passed away they had no Mass, just a informal sermon by the priest and blessing at the small chapel(we have no graveside services). I sometimes wonder if those things bothered them that much. Well I guess I will find out on the other side.
As I see there is more to confuse the issue on this page. Here is my contribution to the confusion. The Diocese of Orange in California has purchased the Crystal Cathedral, a prodestant mega-church, and has plans to make it our cathedral. I have heard there is a cemetary as well. The two people I had a conversation with about this had different opinions about what the church might do with the cemetary. One thought the diocese would require the graves to be moved elsewhere. The other thought they might move all the graves to a section of the cemetary that would remain unblessed.
Thank you for addressing this question. My wife is buried in DFW National Cemetery as a result of my military career. When I join her there, no graves will get not better care.
Where the word not came from in my last post, I have no idea.
My husband was never baptized, attended the Presbyterian Church until age 12. Married me, a Catholic, in the rectory two yrs after being discharged from the Army [WWII]. He always supported me and the children in our religion. My children going to Catholic grade school and Catholic H.S. When he was dying with cancer, I baptized him myself with holy water that came from a special place in Ireland.[given to me by a Catholic friend] Later the Deacon came to my home and offered to have a funeral Mass said for him.[when the time came] The priest I chose to say the Mass was a young priest who went to school with my daughter. So his funeral service was a Mass in our Catholic Church, then buried in a crypt. He wanted to be cremated, but the Catholic Church opposed it at the time, so he settled for the crypt for my sake.
Much of these rules have to do with your Pastor and what he believes and decides. I have never heard that Catholics have to be buried in a Catholic cemetery. The Priest blesses the grave.
In time, I will be buried next to my parents (baptized Methodist-Episcopal). My grandfather-who was Catholic-is buried not far from where I will be. The plot is already paid for so would be very expensive for me to sell it and buy a plot in a Catholic ceremony. There is also a plot if he wants it (as far as I know not converted).
There is a Roman Catholic Church in N.C. that has a place on the grounds of the church where you can put the ashes of your loved one. They look like little crypts. My home town did not have a Catholic cemetery and most of the Catholics were buried in the public cemetery. What about all those Catholics who died 9/11 at the twin towers whose remains are now in a dump. Good thing Jimmy brought this up as I did not realize so many people had a problem with it. At the burial the priest blesses the grave site. The crypt my husband is in, is a public cemetery in W.Va. and my name is right up there with his. I like cremation, only because funerals are too expensive and with people moving from State to State with their jobs, it is too expensive to be buried in family plots, miles away. A Spanish women I know told me that in Spain (tiny country next to ours) & in most European countries, they dig up graves after ten or more yrs and cremate the remains to make room for more burials. Otherwise the whole country would be one big burial ground. Makes sense ;o)
You’ll be dead who cares.
Hat Lady,
We can be cremated, but we can’t have our ashes scattered anymore than we can chop off amrs and legs and throw them around.
Another pointless worry that has nothing to do with anything important.
One of my relatives was buried in a Catholic cemetery many years ago in a family plot. However, this cemetery was getting very crowded. My great aunt, a nun joked that pretty soon they’d have to bury the caskets on top of each other!
My husband and I are planning to be cremated, but hope we can get buried in the only Catholic cemetery we have, but if not will go for a non-Catholic one nearby.
I think the most important thing is for people to pray for the dead regardless of where they are buried, for it’s only their earthly bodies there. Its a nice gesture to put flowers there, but I think it’s better to give the flowers to them while they’re living. If they’re in heaven, I’d imagine there’s much more beautiful ones there than on eath.
http://www.4shared.com/dir/icYXGCbi/_online.html
1 http://www.4shared.com/dir/icYXGCbi/_online.html
http://www.4shared.com/dir/icYXGCbi/_online.html FREE TO USE
I’m not sure if there are cemeteries that restricts Catholics to be buried in them. Is there? I think it should be fine as everyone has a right to be buried decently. I believe that the grieving process for the families could instantly become harder if their loved one would be discriminated from being buried in a cemetery. I thought I’d share www.deathletters.org to the readers out there who are grieving to somehow ease the pain a bit.
okay, what exactly is the difference between a Catholic cemetery and a not Catholic cemetery?
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