MSN.com has a photo essay featuring the collected wisdom of their Facebook fans who answered the question: "What do you wish you knew as a teen?" They got a wide variety of answers, some good, some so-so, some of it just amusing. A couple of excerpts:
Character Counts: This might sound sort of clichéd, but it's helpful to remember: You can't always control what happens in your life, but you can control how you react to it. And it's in those moments that you get to figure out who you are -- and how much it matches up with who you want to be.
Think Of Your Career: When it comes to choosing what to study in college, remember this: Don’t be a history major unless you want to teach history, and don't be a television/radio/film major unless you want to move to New York or L.A. and serve coffee.
Inspired by the question, I tried to come up with my own list of what I wish I'd known as a teen. It was an overwhelming thought exercise indeed. I wish I'd known that God exists, for starters. Also that blue dye sometimes turns your hair green, and that nose piercings hurt a lot more than you think they're going to. I've continued to ponder this question over the past few days, trying to think of the key "what I wish I'd known" lessons I'd pass down to my own kids when they enter their teenage years. Here's what I came up with:
1. There are battles to be fought, and the world needs your energy. When I grew up in the late '80s and early '90s, there was a widespread view that life before age 18 was all about having fun. Well meaning parents told their kids to just have as many good times as possible, in the hopes that this would lead to great childhood memories. The problem was that there was a pervasive sense of purposelessness among kids raised in this view. We teens were bursting with energy and ready to use it for something, even if it meant sacrificing some of our "fun," but we had little encouragement or direction in that department. I wish I had spent more time figuring out what I was passionate about, and had channeled more of my angst and energy into making positive changes in the world. (This will be henceforth known as the Marc Barnes Principle.)
2. Discerning your vocation should be a high priority. Growing up in secular culture, I had no concept of vocation as a state of life (e.g. married life, religious life, etc.), and I certainly had no knowledge that it was even possible to seek God's will for your life. Because of this, there was a certain underlying aimlessness to my years as a young adult, even though I couldn't have articulated the cause. Of course it takes some people longer than others to discover their vocations, and it's possible to live a great life in the meantime. But make sure that you're making this discernment process a high priority, because things get a whole lot simpler when you know which life state you're called to; all other decisions flow from there.
3. You will not find deep fulfillment through a career. In secular culture, there's a pervasive idea that the way you earn a paycheck will also be the way you find lasting fulfillment. This may be true in cases such as full-time clergy or people who devote their lives to serving those in need through nonprofit organizations, but situations like these are the exception rather than the rule. When I graduated from high school, I was fixated on career questions, since I thought that that would define my entire life. I thought that if I could get a well-paying job doing interesting work at company with a fun work environment, I'd be perfectly content. It only took a few years in the workforce to realize that even the coolest jobs get old quickly; there's a reason they have to pay you to do them. Developing a personal relationship with God, serving others, and forming meaningful connections within your community is the way to find that inner peace we all crave; chasing more and more impressive titles on your business card will only lead to frustration and turmoil.
Though there are a few hundred other things on my list, if I had known nothing other than those three things, it could have had a big impact on the rest of my life. What do you wish you'd known as a teen?
Comments
Post a Comment
I like your #1. Even tho I was working a lot as a teen, I still had all this extra time to do meaningless things, like roam around with other teens and waste time. Too bad that energy couldn’t have been used for something more productive than hanging around.
That “think of your career” bit from the website seems like kind of a stinker in disguise. Many people end up doing completely different things than what they trained for, and their ability to succeed depends on their creativity and flexibility.
I wish I’d known how to practice effectively. I would go down to the band room during study hall, but for all my dedication I don’t actually remember getting much done in an hour and a half.
I wish I’d know Theology of the Body. I don’t think I would have believed it, but I wish I’d at least been given the option by hearing it.
I also wish I’d known that God knows what’s best for my life, not me. I went to college determined to get a certain degree with a certain outcome. By the end of four years I was miserable and hesitated on the masters. I finally left (fled is more like it) and decided to let God guide the rest of my career path. I now have a job I love. Yes, it is work and it doesn’t fulfill me the way a vocation would (still waiting on that one), but I enjoy it most days and it fits my personality much better than what I’d planned previously.
I wish I knew:-
Getting ready to marry is harder than I thought.
Even if God doesn’t speak to you, he sees and listens.
The world is not coming to an end any sooner.
To not to do anything to impress others. They had a good time at my expense and i had a burden to carry.
I answered via Twitter that I wish I had know that my parents were right more often than not. And that was true. I was blessed with loving parents… and I was not the kind of child to get into trouble. I was a lousy student, completely unmotivated, and not sure of what I wanted to do with myself. Upon retrospect, I wish I had also known and understood the true meaning of what it is to be a child of God. Knowing that, and having a stronger faith earlier in life, surely would have been amazing and beneficial!
I wish I knew that IT IS NOT THAT SERIOUS. Nothing is. Nothing was life or death, and by focusing on such inane drama I missed out on real life.
I second the comment on wishing I had been taught Theology of the Body as a teen. The “why” behind the “don’t” would have helped me more than just the “don’t”.
1. You don’t know as much as you think you know. Question your assumptions. Questioning strengthens truth, but destroys error.
.
2. Your parents are sometimes right, but sometimes very, very wrong. Learn to respect their wisdom but also learn from their failures. Same can be said for all “experts”. Discerning the difference is the key to maturity and wisdom.
.
3. You don’t have to be someone else in order to impress anyone. You will just end up as an unimpressive fake, acting out a persona that is not you. Simply be the best you that you can be and people will find that rather impressive.
.
4. Do not be afraid of failure. Failure is a learning experience. Failure is what separates the dreams from the daydreams. Michael Jordan refused to quit when he was cut from his ninth grade basketball team. But he also knew that it was time to quit when he couldn’t hit a Double-A curveball. Failure is rarely a pleasant experience, but you need it because it will refine you.
I always think, boy if I would have known what my children know at their ages (21 & 19) that God loves you more than you can imagine, that God truly created you uniquely for your own purpose that no one else can fulfill. That you can have a personal relationship with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. That God always has the best intentions for you, and some of those hard things we go through are things that are actually beneficial for us to be transformed more fully into the image and likeness of God. I wish I knew how to listen to God’s voice and realize that it was God trying to guide and direct me, that would have made life so much easier—-but within that, by realizing now that I heard His voice, or saw His hand in things, but chose to do something else that “I” thought was best for me, that God still walks with be and guides within my mistakes and helps put me back on course. I wish as a youngster I had the Eyes to see, the Ears to hear, the Heart to trust, and His will to do all things in, with and through Him. Thank God that our God is a God of such Love and Mercy—a God of second chances! My children are so Blessed to know all these things and to walk humbly with God.
Oh how can I forget this one this would have made all of the difference in the world——I wish I knew when I was young that the Eucharist was truly the Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of Jesus Christ and not just a host that reminded us of Jesus.
“that God still walks with be and guides within my mistakes and helps put me back on course…”
This is another thing that I’m still learning, that God can use our mistakes to bring about redemption, no matter how far away we have fallen. That degree that I insisted on getting…it was a tangential bit of info I learned doing it that got me my current job. That ignorance of Theology of the Body…that personal experience fuels my desire to teach others the truth.
I have such a hard time remembering this and panic over making a “mistake” or some sin where I ignored God’s Will. I have a hard time forgiving myself. I forget that he brought the redemption of the world out of the murder of an infinite being…surely he can take my pittance sins and bring redemption out of them.
Don’t do anything if you would be embarrassed to tell your mother. If you have a rotten mother, then don’t do anything you would be embarrassed to tell the mother you wish you had. It’s not true that people regret what they didn’t do more than they regret what they did—people regret stupid things they did do, and good thinks they didn’t do.
You can’t “give back” to the community unless you first make something of yourself.
the practical application of this is that you not go into to debt—if you are in debt, then you do not own yourself. You are not free to make your own choices—including choices about giving yourself to God, the poor, etc. etc. until and unless you truly owe no one.
I keep seeing these stories about people who want to join an order or who feel called to give to the poor but who simply can’t because they owe someone else alot of money. And then they have to beg over the internet for people to donate to pay off their student loans so they can become a religious.
I applaud them, I really do as well as the people who donate, but some good advice about going into debt in the first place and the worth of an education could have forestalled this.
That God exists
5. God is a generous God. He wants to be joyful and fulfilled. (Although not necessarily “happy” - there is a difference.) His rules exist not to keep us away from what we want, but to focus us so that we can be ready for the true riches that God has prepared for us.
That is, He wants US to be joyful and fulfilled. God is plenty joyful and fulfilled on His own.
I wish I had been kinder and less priggish.
I wish I had been more wary of manipulative people.
I wish I had had less smug egotism and more self respect.
I wish I had been more curious and considerate of others.
I wish I had had known more of what the Church believes, and why.
I wish I had been more ambitious for the glory of God, and less for my own.
@elizabethe: I think this shows a desperate need for a revival in Catholic education. Over the past generation, Catholic education has forgotten its purpose and decided to mimic secular and Protestant “private” education instead. While plenty of ink has been spilled about the doctrinal manifestations of this problem, the biggest problem is financial.
.
Catholic schools, both higher ed and K-12, have taken the model of tuition for education. The problem with this is that puts burdens on the most faithful, while rewarding the less devout. For example, a Catholic family who is truly “open to life” will struggle to be able to afford to send the children to the local parochial school, while a couple who uses contraception to limit their family size (or who may not even be Catholic) will be able to more easily afford it. Likewise, Catholic higher education is a great value to those who want to pursue material ends, but is a great financial burden to those who want to enter religious life.
Yet there is nothing but silence from the hierarchy on this. This is a far greater scandal than the items that make the news.
I wish I’d known that my work was a prayer.
That my sexuality was not a tool to be brandished according to the culture, but a gift to be treasured. That I was beautiful to my parents. That my smart mouth was not that amusing.
That life is short-be kind. That family members will not be there forever-even the annoying ones.That you will miss them deeply.
I also with that I had known the WHY of the Theology of the Body and not just the DONT.
I wish that I had known that every tedious thing I ever suffered through would come to good use in my eventual vocation.
(Sorry to deviate from the trend on this one, but) I wish that I had known that I could NEVER EVER please my parents. I could be a decent and honest person, raise good kids and even save the lives of sick children and I would still never ever be good enough for them. I wish I had quit trying when I was about 20, no…17.
Contraception
Spot on about the majors/career. I wish I had been told about jobs that pay real money, rather than ‘follow your dreams….’
Also, especially for good kids raised in really Catholic circles, your parents are not always right and sometimes might not be able to consider your best interests. I guess I just wish I could just ‘be there’ for my teenage self. ;-)
Perservered in “offering it up.”
I wish I had been really taught to think about who I wanted to be, what I wanted my life to be like. I much too often went with the flow of things instead of making my own decisions. When the time to make the tough decisions did arrive, I didn’t know how to make one. (College major declaration, rocky engagement, etc)
How to be purposful with my time.
To learn to be comfortable and happy with myself; to not have to find approval or fulfillment in others.
Still working on some of these
Jesus: “I came to bring a sword”.
.
It’s all good when you are actually trying. (It’s hard to stop making excuses when I think that *He* somehow still owes me.) Owes me? Really?
.
Now, really trying. (Am I?)
.
Me to Him, today: “It’s all yours. I love you more than anything else. Please, no purgatory! Just me, straight to you when I die, no matter what the cost. I’ll be your victim for others on one condition, that you let me be the victim of your love. That’s all I want”.
I second all 3 on the list, especially #3! I wish I had not spent the last 50 years of my life as a lukewarm Catholic as I have done. I wished I had cooperated with the Holy Spirit from the age of 14 as my daughter did.
I wish that we had been introduced to Humanae Vitea ,and Theology of the Body.I think it was intentionally withheld from our generation by certain “rascals” who intended to descent from it from the start.This resulted in immeasurable damage to christian family life.If you are young read it ,learn it.You will save yourself soooo much heartache.Don’t let anyone tell you that it’s too lofty of reading for for you.You’ll get the gist of it just enough to spot a phony from a mile away.You will love God and his Church with a greater confidence and resolve
Thanks alot for this post Jenny dear may the good Lord bless you….i would like us to be friends Jenny you write very inspirational posts and they i uplift me….could u please be my friend? Am Nelly from Kenya and i pray through the intercession of the blessed mother Mary that i get to meet you one day…my email adress is agerndege77@yahoo.com God bless you
Jennifer,
Great post! You might be interested, as a parent now, to check out a post on Catholicmom.com called The Priorities of Catholic Parents: The Salvation, Vocation & Occupation of their Children. It is right in line with your three wishes. Must be the Holy Spirit!
I am approaching my 60th birthday. My teen years were in a different time, but as a mother of six and high school teacher, I think this still applies: I wish I had been taught what to look for in a good spouse (character, work ethic, commitment to faith, etc.) and to pray for the grace to trust that God had a plan for my life and to be open to such a plan.
I would have liked to have known that life (happiness, joy, etc.) is a growth process, not an end goal.
I am eternally grateful that I DID learn that my vocation as a mother and role model was/is the most important part of my entire life. Jobs come and go. I have to answer to God for my parenting. That knowledge kept me going in the toughest times: getting them to church NO MATTER WHAT, teaching them REAL Catholic doctrine, watching what I said always and everywhere, watching my own behavior, always and everywhere.
Now as a grandparent, I can see the payoff. Hang in there parents. DO WHAT IS RIGHT, always, and ask God’s forgiveness when you mess up.
Pope Benedict said:
“Once the plastic minds of children have been moulded by godless schools, and the ideas of the inexperienced masses have been formed by a bad daily or periodical press, and when by means of all the other influences which direct public opinion, there has been instilled into the minds of men that most pernicious error that man must not hope for a state of eternal happiness; but that it is here, here below, that he is to be happy in the enjoyment of wealth and honour and pleasure: what wonder that those men whose very nature was made for happiness should with all the energy which impels them to seek that very good, break down whatever delays or impedes their obtaining it.” (Benedict XV, Ad Beatissimi Apostolorum, 15)
I wish I’d known that being Catholic didn’t mean judging others by the teachings of the church that they weren’t following. If I’d hand more charity in my heart for those who didn’t know how much they were hurting themselves, I can think of a few souls who might be a. still my friend, and b. hopefully a little closer to God, or open to being closer to Him.
A bit puzzled that people wish they had Theology of the Body when they were teens. It’s a modern innovation, it wasn’t around. It also has nothing to do with the “why”, as we had that for millennia before jpII was even born. I wish I knew that the catholic church predates Vatican II, and gave us all the what/where/when/how and why long wore the 60’s. I wish it was taught to me with the vigor that motivated st pius X, cardinal Newman, st John fisher and st athanasius.
What do I wish I knew as a teen?
That everything I actually knew as a teen turned out to be WRONG!
1. Taking someone’s word for it isn’t always a good thing.
2. If someone says they believe something, they’re making a positive claim. The onus is on the person making a positive claim to support it.
2. In the absence of evidence of a claim, the default position should be to disregard said claim.
One is learning to discern the character of one’s life work or career: whether a “server” or “producer.” I fit well as a server—and my area was in serving the nation in the Navy. Once I retired, I got into work as a producer, having to sell, and it has been frustrating and very unsatisfying.
Am a young adult but even now there are so many things I’d want to tell the younger me.
1. Never stop praying the Divine Mercy devotion, serving and attending weekday Mass
2. There are preists who can be your spiritual director who can guide your prayer life. Don’t be afraid to talk to them!
3. Visit adoration chapels!
4. Vocations: be open and trust God to guide you where He wants you to go and what He wants you to do. Don’t worry or get anxious.
5. Don’t let achievements lull you into complacency, be humble and study hard.
6. Develop your talents and interests, take art, guitar and piano classes and learn them well.
7. Being happy does not mean being fulfilled. Sometimes suffering is a wonderful gift!
Jay, I’m actually only 30, so Theology of the Body as JPII wrote it was around when I was a teen. However, the teachings in ToB are not innovations, but are a clearer restating and compilation of the teachings from 2 millennium. Thus, even those who were teens before those Wed audiences could have been taught the why.
I second the wanting to know the beauty of the church pre-“spirit of V2”. We were cut off from the past (why ToB was hated, it talked of teachings that predated the 60s).
I wish that I had known that I don’t have to prove myself to anyone, or defend myself to anyone, except The Creator. That the love of the Good is the highest love to seek.
.
I wish I had known that I can choose to undertake defending my faith to others *but I do not have to; instead I ought to spend my time cultivating a relationship with my faith and living it.*
.
I wish I had known better that it is horribly rude and disrespectful to engage other people in discussions about their beliefs with sole intention of discrediting them or “making” them change their mind. I wish I had known then that dialogue is an act of love.
http://www.cafb29b24.org/docs/buyativan/#for-sale ativan narcotic withdrawal - ativan and alcohol
Post a Comment
By submitting this form, you give The National Catholic Register permission to publish this comment. Comments will be published at our discretion, and may be edited for clarity and length. For best formatting, please limit your response to one paragraph and don't hit "enter" to force line breaks.