I love my house. It’s cozy, it’s in a safe neighborhood, and the layout is perfect. There’s only one little drawback to living here: We have a massive, never-ending scorpion infestation. These things are horrible. Their venom is specifically designed to be painful; they fluoresce under blacklight (I am convinced this is just to be more creepy and weird); they’re nocturnal; and, for whatever reason, they tend to gravitate toward beds. Of all my Texan relatives who have had scorpions in their homes, every single one has been stung in bed during the night at some point. I am the only one to whom this has not yet happened. It is a matter of when, not if, I am woken in the middle of the night by a scorpion attack. As you can guess, this is a thought that keeps me up at night. (Literally. As in AAAAAH-WHAT-WAS-THAT?!, jumping-out-of-bed-and-frantically-brushing-myself-off-every-few-minutes up at night.)
The upside is that I am told that I do my best writing after encounters with these creatures (I’ve received more than a few complaints from readers asking me to stop blathering on about this Catholic stuff and get back to the scorpion posts). So when I asked the readers of my personal blog what I should be for Halloween this year, I got a bunch of responses saying, of course: SCORPION! A friend even found an adult-sized costume for me.
I have a feeling that the full, eight-legged adult outfit will be out of my price range, but the kids latched on to this idea, and we spent some time figuring out how to create a homemade scorpion costume for mommy. We didn’t get very far before the girls drifted from insisting that it be a princess scorpion to just a princess, but the brief time I spent in my thrown-together scorpion outfit (mostly just wearing all black with a tinfoil tail and stinger) taught me something about Halloween and the value of dress-up.
As I lurched around the house, chasing the giggling kids in the role of a six-foot arachnid, I realized that, in an odd but surprisingly effective way, I was working through my fears. I fear scorpions because I cannot control them. It is up to them, not me, if I will be startled awake by having a venomous stinger jabbed into me repeatedly tonight. It would be my preference not to have them in my toilets, my kids’ toys, and hanging out by the baby’s crib, but neither my requests nor my skill with a can of Raid can convince them to go away. This fact causes the occasional burst of angst in my life—and something about walking around as a scorpion myself helped me channel those negative feelings.
Last year, Dan Lord wrote an excellent article called The Fun of Fear, in which he made the case that Halloween provides a theater for working through that which troubles us. He said:
We often play with our fears in ways that can be beneficial to our souls by establishing a proper context for them—otherwise known as theater. This can take the form of scary movies, murder mysteries, ghost stories ... any artistic enactment that, with our permission, presents to us something frightening within a clearly delineated milieu. Under such circumstances, we then have the power to grab hold of our fears, to manipulate them, even laugh at them. It diffuses fear’s psychological and emotional hold over us: We vent bottled-up anxiety and are led to a better understanding of both ourselves and of the things that frighten us. Throw in the visceral thrill that comes with facing our fears, and you have yourself an all-around good time. That’s why I love Halloween.
This is exactly what I found as the kids and I laughed through the house playing scorpion. There’s something inherently campy about wearing costumes, to put on the form of something you’re not. Like when kids play dress-up in their parents’ clothing, it allows us to laugh at ourselves, and at whatever it is we’re imitating. (Of course we’ve all seen a few outfits that are just offensive with their skimpiness or their goriness, but I would make the case that those are more cries for attention than costumes.) And so when I imagine my neighborhood street being filled with little goblins and skeletons and prisoners next Monday, and think of my own experience playing dress-up, I begin to see the value of this holiday. It’s a chance to take the things that we fear—evil, death, the malice of our fellow man, scorpions—and to take back control in a silly, theatrical way. Because there is only so much you can really fear something once you’ve learned to laugh at it.
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I would still totally fear being stung in the eye, or having one near a baby’s crib, though.
Jen, I’m deathly afraid of giant bananas. Know where I can find a giant banana costume for Halloween?
As a fellow Texan, I have them in the attic dropping from the ceiling through the cracks in the hallway attic stairway door in the ceiling. Last week one dropped down right behind me as I walked down the hall. Jennifer, I know exactly how you feel.
WOW! ARE YOU A SCORPIO? ASTROLOGY ROCKS!
I agree, those bugs are 100% creepy. Even reading about them makes me squirm with the suggestion that they are about and I don’t even live in Texas anymore.
http://www.audiosancto.org/sermon/20080224-Spiritual-Flyswatters.html this may help too?
As the mother of a child who cannot tolerate corn syrup, among other various food stuffs, I needed this article so badly. I was beginning to HATE Halloween, because of the candy issue. (You just TRY to find corn-syrup free candy!) But you are right, of course, that this holiday is about dressing up, being goofy/scary and showing “we ain’t scared of nuthin!” Next year I’m dressing up as a bottle of corn syrup….
Great post. In Illionis it is spiders.
Try a pet hedgehog. The critters can eat scorpions and are immune to their poison.
Ack, terrifying! I don’t know how you don’t go insane. I can’t seem to gather the nerve to kill spiders anymore. I don’t want to look at them (they occasionally resemble beautiful little Charlottes, but more often than not are just ugly and creepy), touch them, or have their guts on anything.
Have all Exterminator Companies that eradicate spiders, etc. disappeared from your area? Please call a professional who will guarantee that they are GONE. I’ve seen stories like this on TV and some critters are truly impossible to eradicate, but I pray you will find someone to get all these scorpions out permanently. My sister is battling mice and her only solution, due to environmental regulations where she lives, is to find a cat that goes after mice. But it must be a “mouser,” raised on a farm in a barn and taught by the mother cat to eat mice! One cannot use poison any more-bad for the environment. And too “inhumane!” And who wants to empty mousetraps?
Hey, God created scorpions with all the other creeping things. It is God’s creature, and if it stings you it’s its nature. You should love all God’s Creation!
You scorpions and all creepy-crawlies, bless the Lord.
Praise and exalt Him above all forever.
Ewww…suddenly 10 below plus wind chill sounds like a marvelous thing. Although, it’s true, in the midwest we really do have way bigger spiders than you’d expect. One time we had a wolf spider so comically huge and “fluffy” living in our garage, my daughter and I named her “Bertha” which automatically made her our pet. Although gruesome in many respects, there was something winsome and friendly about the way she loitered near the light switch or sunned herself on the garden weasel. Always a twinkle in her googly eyes, she served as our little arachnid greeter, “Welcome home girls! Great to see you again, watch where you’re walking, and please mind the webbing, I’m setting up housekeeping in your garden clogs…I just love green don’t you? So earthy…”
Alas, one fateful day we heard girly screams coming from the driveway and ran to discover the burly man of the house and his equally muscle-bound boss holding cans of wasp spray in hands, shaking. “My Gawl…HUGW..SPIDER!!!G’Loodrd!!” They were incoherent but the story we eventually got was; The men were hanging out in the garage. One of them looked down and saw Betha loafing on his shoe. He screamed, kicked and she went flying. They grabbed wasp killer which had a 50 ft. spray stream, ran and blasted it from halfway down the drive. My daughter rushed to Betha’s side “Bertha!!!” She lay there, all 8 legs curled up, breathing her last. The whole thing was pretty sad actually.
We turned on the guys with disgust, “How could you?”
“You don’t understand…it made a thud! When I flicked it off my shoe it made a THUD!”
Drain away the fears, and embrace the saints. It’s what All Hallows Eve just may be all about.
I guess that beats the fire ants here in Mississippi.
Halloween is so inflated that most who participate in the activities (which seem to start earlier each year—now all of October) unfortunately reject the true holy day, All Saints’ Day. Instead of embracing and celebrating the true humble hidden heroes of our Faith, our culture has stressed the gruesome, the evil, and the insatiable marketing of goods (especially all of that candy). I am so very grateful to my husband of 20 years who freed me from that mindset of Halloween “celebrations” and enlightened our life and the lives of our children bringing the Light of the World, Jesus Christ, and His faithful followers to the forefront of our lives. Given time, we all usually hit what we aim for—Halloween? or All Saints Day?
I have a friend who lives in SE Italy, where the Tarantelle dance started…think of the tarantula spider….but they have alot of scorpions there…think of the movie, ‘Marcellino’, an Italian orphan boy adopted by the Capuchins. In the movie, he almost died from a scorpion bite. I wonder if there are saints to ask for prayers…
I heard of a lady who had skunks living under her house. So she told the priest she was going to get blessed candles and light up the crawl space, and he told her he doubted it would work.
Well, a while later, she came running back, and the pastor could tell by the look on her face that it worked!
We had carpenter ants. You could hear them chewing away. We found the next. I sprinkled holy water around the foundation of the house, and prayed to God for help. We did get an ant exterminator, a private guy who was on TV and bragged he never had to come back. Well, they never came back and when the day came to inspect that area, hardly any damage was done.
To Don Betteletti: two years ago Wal-Mart in our area had them, along with apes - they were supposed to be a couple.
I personally hate and fear the big waterbugs/cockroaches. You’re right—it’s the lack of control thing…if they stay outside it’s fine, but when they surprise you inside…aaaarghhh! This year I’ve been really on top of it with the exterminator and keeping the foliage away from the house (we live in Georgia) and it’s better so far. We discovered an armadillo (yes—an armadillo-in Georgia! it was huge!) living under our front porch. I’m really hopeful there will be lots of baby armadillos to help control the roach population….
Just for reference:
Deuteronomy 8:15 Who led thee through that great and terrible wilderness, wherein were fiery serpents, and scorpions, and drought, where there was no water; who brought thee forth water out of the rock of flint;
1 Kings 12:11 And now whereas my father did lade you with a heavy yoke, I will add to your yoke: my father hath chastised you with whips, but I will chastise you with scorpions.
Ezekiel 2:6 And thou, son of man, be not afraid of them [wicked men], neither be afraid of their words, though briers and thorns be with thee, and thou dost dwell among scorpions: be not afraid of their words, nor be dismayed at their looks, though they be a rebellious house.
Luke 10:19 Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you.
Luke 11:12 Or if he shall ask an egg, will he offer him a scorpion?
Revelation 9:3 And there came out of the smoke locusts upon the earth: and unto them was given power, as the scorpions of the earth have power.
Revelation 9:5 And to them it was given that they should not kill them, but that they should be tormented five months: and their torment was as the torment of a scorpion, when he striketh a man.
Revelation 9:10 And they had tails like unto scorpions, and there were stings in their tails: and their power was to hurt men five months.
Father Z has commented before on a rite or exorcism for getting rid of unwanted pests. It sounded really cool….maybe we could try that!
WOW! I am sorry to be late to reading this post, but this is horrible! When I was as soldier I had to get over my fear of creepy crawlies. Once I was at Fort Bragg, NC doing a night land navigation exercise:
While crossing a clearing with a buddy, the moon came out of the clouds and revealed that we were walking through a misty field of low bushes that were all strung with spider webs. We’re talking thousands and thousands and thousands of spider webs - with very large spiders in them. My buddy and I looked at each other like, “you’ve got to be kidding me”. No movie set was ever this over-done with spider webs. They were unavoidable. We had to walk right through them and came out the other side covered from head to toe in webbing and spiders. We were practically cocooned!
Later I learned to just not let it bother me. I woke one night from sleeping in the ground somewhere after realizing that some large creature had just crawled across my face, into my open mouth, walked around in there and then walked out the other side! In Iraq I woke to see an Iraqi Camel Spider on my chest just sitting there looking at me.
(Please look this spider up if you don’t know what it is.) I flicked it off and went back to sleep.
But scorpions in my house I would NOT like. You should definitely get an exterminator. Or - eat them. They taste a little bit like crab meat actually. No joke.
John! I don’t think I’d ever have made it in the military….but seriously, how did you get over the fear? Was it just the constant exposure like they say works in some therapies? Wow. Was eating scorpions part of survival training?
Wow…just…wow.
And thank you for your service to our country!
EEEKKK! I looked up the camel spider pictures!
@Donna:
I also had a fear of heights, so I joined the college swim team and took up diving. And - it was terrifying. I wasn’t NOT scarred. I sure was. The tactic just goes like this: Face the fear and then just do it anyway. (Later, I became a paratrooper.)
In the case of the creepy crawlies it was easier because in the military you have the advantage of being in a position where more important things are always right in your face and if you ignore those realities because of a bug, you are going let people down, maybe get hurt or even killed. I even stepped on an alligator one night during Ranger school in the Everglades. All I thought to myself was, “oh wow. Alligator.” Then I dropped my heart rate back down and refocused calculating my map declination or whatever it was. Just didn’t have time for anything else.
With that camel spider, I had seen them around before and thought they were horrible. When I woke to see one on me, though, I was exhausted to my bones. I could have slept on an interstate, I had to get back to sleep because it was important. So it wasn’t so much as being focused on the spider, it was a moment of prioritizing: Fear? Just don’t have time now - go to sleep. Done.
When I was diving I would freeze on the board for a long time - embarrassed - and people cheering me to go. My breakthrough came when I realized that I was afraid of the pain of a bad impact and that the worst thing that could happen would be a lot of pain. After I just decided, OK well this might hurt a lot, but I probably won’t die, then I could do it. I did get hurt, but then I got used to it. Practice made it easier.
Now if I could only get over my fear of “Carnies!” (“You know, Circus folk”) Ha…
Thanks John for the helpful tips. lol about Carnies! I feel that way about clowns…always have. The idea of having more important things to prioritize or distract makes a lot of sense. I’ve kind of experienced that the times there were bugs in my car while driving..you just pull over as soon as you can but you can’t freak out so you don’t.
About diving and my fear of heights—I worked up the courage to dive off a high board….well, once….and it *was* exhilarating to overcome the fear. My arms kind of jerked back when I hit the water, but I didn’t get hurt…I do remember how long it seemed to take before I touched the water!
If it is crunchy on the outside, it is evil devil spawn and has to die. All good creatures are crunchy on the inside.
Seriously, I check my bed for critters every night and worry when I feel something and also jump up and brush myself all over for the, so far, imaginary guys. Then I thought about a blind person I met. I said, you know, they don’t have any way to do that. They have to go around life not being able to check for critters. They just have to trust. I think about that often. Being blind means not having that kind of control. When I’m freaking out, I try to imagine what trust a blind person has to just go to bed and not worry. It helps.
@Holly: reminds me of the Far Side cartoon with the 2 Polar Bears standing outside an igloo with its top bitten off. One says through a mouthful, “Oh hey! I love these things…crunchy on the outside and a chewy center!”
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