Finally, October is here! For many of us, it's the month of trying to get our acts together: We cut corners during the long days of summer; in September we just try to survive the shock to the system of all the activities and schoolwork that Fall has dropped on us; we know that November and December will be packed with holiday activities...so that leaves October for getting things in order.
Along these lines, a big topic of conversation among my mom friends has been the issue of self-discipline:
I've come up with a great schedule for my family, but how can I work up the self-discipline to implement it?, one homeschooling friend remarked recently. I was hoping that with the kids gone at school all day I'd be completely on top of household stuff, but I end up spending half the day procrastinating, another stay-at-home mom commented.
I too have been on a long quest for more self-discipline. I've gone through phases where I get up early and have the house tidied and breakfast on the table by the time the first kid rises. The results are always amazing: The kids' behavior is better, homeschooling and other household tasks are easier, and well into the evening there's a lingering feeling of purpose and energy. But I'm not a morning person, and, despite all those great benefits, it takes only the slightest disruption to knock me off my entire schedule. I get a cold or have to stay up late a couple of nights to hit a deadline, and before I know it I'm sleeping until the last possible minute, waking to a trail of crackers and snack food in the living room that the older kids foraged for breakfast, and our days are plagued with a feeling of purposelessness and chaos.
I've been fighting this battle for eight years of parenthood now, and I'm starting to think that what I'm asking of myself is harder than it seems. In fact, it may even be unnatural.
What got me thinking about this is that I finally found something that brought structure and routine to our daily lives: Signing our two toddlers up for the parish Mother's Day Out program. Even though only two of my five children attend this preschool, it changes everything about our days. Suddenly, there's somewhere I have to be at a certain time, multiple days per week. I'm motivated to get homeschooling and desk work done during the hours that the toddlers are out of the house, and I stay uncharacteristically focused to get as much done as possible before I have to leave to pick them up. I leave at the same time every day to collect them, not out of my own amazing powers to stick to a routine, but simply because it would cause problems for others if I were late.
A neighbor commented the other day that I must have tremendous discipline to stick to our household schedule each week. I don't at all (in fact, I'm probably one of the most naturally lazy people I know) but having our family schedule anchored to the external schedule of the parish changes everything. There may be some small amount of self-discipline involved in rising in time to get everyone ready to leave for Mother's Day Out, but the pressure of having external consequences if I sleep late gives me the push I need to drag myself out of bed, even when it's the last thing I want to do. In other words:
Exercising the self-discipline to follow a routine is vastly easier when it's done in the context of a community.
Farmers don't rise before dawn only because they think it's a good thing to do: There are often workers arriving who need direction, not to mention cows waiting to be milked and animals needing to be fed. People in the military and parents of children who go to school outside the home rise at the same time every weekday -- not necessarily out of their own personal willpower alone, but because they need to be somewhere by a certain time, or else it would cause problems for others. In each case, there are community consequences to veering from the set schedule.
Especially when staying with a routine involves a great amount of effort (for example, getting multiple kids to transition from one activity to the next), it requires an almost inhuman amount of willpower for one person to make it happen over and over again, day after day, with no external pressure for her to do so. When the consequences for veering from the schedule are confined to your house and won't impact anyone else, it's all too easy to decide to forgo the pain of keeping it up with it all, and ride a wave of inertia for a while.
This realization has made me see the importance of anchoring our family schedule to a community schedule. I look out for opportunities to get involved with regularly recurring events at the parish or with other families, in ways that aren't too stressful for us, but will have consequences if we veer from the plan (for example, next summer, when Mother's Day Out is out of session, we might make standing plans with another family to meet for daily Mass on a certain day of the week).
However, it must be said that arranging this kind of thing is rarely easy, and sometimes it's not even possible. We live in a highly disconnected society where geographically-based communities have been shattered, and there are not often obvious opportunities to connect our daily lives with others'. Especially for families with multiple babies and toddlers, the seemingly simple prospect of getting everyone in the car and driving 10 minutes to the parish church can be an endeavor of epic proportions. In my own life, I've been through plenty of periods when it was too difficult to break out of our suburban isolation, and I'm sure those occasions will arise again. But the realization about the role of community connectedness in my quest for self-discipline has at least helped me go easy on myself during such times. Instead of beating myself up for my failures at sticking to a clear routine, I congratulate myself for whatever successes I have in that department, acknowledging that the battle I'm fighting is a difficult one, because it's tremendously hard to achieve high levels of discipline when you're doing it in isolation.
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DAILY MASS would work the same magic!! It does for our homeschooling family!
I’m glad this works for you, but I find leaving the house disruptive. Taking my little one to school is o.k. if I can come home and stay home, but when I have to run out for some errand or meeting, it really seems to mess up my day.
We all need to find our own way. I can remember the days when a little scheduling was good for me. Those days are long gone as my older children are now in the “I need a ride” phase. So stressful, particularly this time of year when everything starts all over again and there are too many afternoons without a minute to spare. Too many nights eating granola bars in the car while mom shuttles everyone to their proper activity. I now find myself counting the days until my oldest gets her drivers license. There’s an undeniable downside to a large family - it’s difficult, expensive, and stressful to nurture each child’s talents and proclivities in the community.
I think it’s a question of personality styles. For me, it’s more an issue of external-accountability and deadlines. When a coach directs my training (either at a gym on a team) I work harder than when I am in charge of my own fitness. In my working days I was up and out and on time every day. In my teen years I worked full time each summer for a family and split the housework/childcare duties with the mom, and I kept things immaculate because those were her standards and it was my job. I immediately wiped any spot that landed on a counter top! But for the 30-odd years I’ve run my own household, I’ve never come close to immaculate. With my own projects, when there are deadlines (externally set) I’ll meet them, but on my own I don’t easily stick to a schedule. I’ve tried artificial deadlines (goals) and treating myself as the “boss” but it hasn’t worked as well as the real thing! As in your example, external structure helps me get focused.
I saw many parents in this boat when I was a young mom. By the time my oldest was school age, the rule is, and has been, 2 extra-curricular activities per child. All three are in Karate, the boys are in scouts, and our daughter does dance. Being on the committees for scouts lets me know what is coming up months in advance. And if it isn’t on the calendar, it isn’t happening. We’ve had some tears because they didn’t put it up, but if it was SO IMPORTANT, you would have remembered to put it on the calendar!
Daily Mass works for our first time public high school student and me, too. He gets to go to Mass every day and doesn’t have to ride the bus, I am so thankful to have Mass every day.
I was just thinking about this! Despite the terms SELF-control and SELF-discipline, these qualities actually function best in a community context! Just think of the days when it wasn’t socially acceptable for stay-at-home moms (or anyone) to go outside wearing yoga pants and stained t-shirts. It was probably a lot easier to find the motivation to wear nice, clean clothes—and, as a result, to *feel* professional and respected. It’s easy for us housewives nowadays to bemoan our lack of discipline, but the lack of community expectations (and the concomitant SUPPORT for meeting said expectations) sure doesn’t make it any easier, at least for those of us who were once accustomed to a more structured environment.
Great article and even better perspective—let’s not beat ourselves up, but rather be thankful for what is accomplished. We have a limited amount of “control” over our daily lives—very limited. That coupled with choosing, or not choosing, activities that are best for our family can be stressful and require sacrifice from other brothers and sisters. Prayer, God’s guidance (direct or through my husband), and a sense of humor has grounded me (finally—albeit, most of the time). God bless you, Jennifer, and your very blessed family!
It’s not just the household schedule that benefits from a community context. I know that the love of Christ is supposed to compel us, but day-to-day, there are a large number of sins I avoid more because being caught in them would so let down good people I’ve known for thirty and forty years.
” ... because it’s tremendously hard to achieve high levels of discipline when you’re doing it in isolation.” Bingo!!! As the mom of 4 + 1 on the way who just became a SAHM for the first time in a new city/state two months ago, I was talking to my husband about this very thing last night. I was perfectly content to sit with him and fold laundry/chat/watch football after the kids went to bed, but I find it nearly impossible to do (either well or happily) during the day by myself. I probably would have loved “the olden days” when women got together and cooked, did the wash, sewed, etc. I just don’t think I am cut out for suburban solitude!
I probably would have loved “the olden days” when women got together and cooked, did the wash, sewed, etc. I just don’t think I am cut out for suburban solitude!”
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I heard Dr. Dobson say this on a radio show once & I think it’s very true.Years ago, I was blessed to find Mennonite friends who sewed together every few weeks & a Catholic weekly homeschooling co-op.In each case there was fellowship & a sharing of work between moms.
I think fellowship’s the main thing modern women miss out on.And it’s very hard to find anymore.Especially in the suburbs.But even in rural areas you have many moms working outside the home, too.
Daily mass in the wee hours of the morning. I used to do this before my husband left for work, and then after he’d left when I had responsible older children. It took years of struggle, hit,and miss, to make this like breathing. Most of the time I arrived late. Half the time I had to leave a few moments after communion. I would pause for a moment in my car saying to Him… “I wish I didn’t need to leave early, but I steal YOU away with me,my Divine Captive”. I would stare at Him for a few seconds, like I knew the greatest secret on earth. I would face the chaos awaiting me at home, with that small burst of joy. Sometimes I felt like Peter, walking on water. At other times miserable, because I hadn’t even tried to do what was difficult, and required more hope. Now it is sweet habit, and my husband is at my side, having succumbed to the same sweet madness of this love affair. I know I wouldn’t trade this for billions of dollars laid at my feet. Really. It is an amazing feeling to know that my day is already a success before the sun has even fully risen.
What about viewing our families as the community that the consequences of lack of self discipline will effect? I definitely see the point of having others holding us accountable, ie: we have to be somewhere. But, why is it so hard to see our own families as that motivator? I’m asking myself this question as much as everyone else. Why is it more motivating to not inconveniece someone outside of my immediate family than someone in my immediate family? Why shouldn’t I be motivated to serve and be on time for my own family? My personal belief is that there is such a strong cultural discrimination against serving our own families right now that many women have to fight extraordinarily hard in order to see their four year old as just as important to have breakfast ready for as it would be if the Pope were coming to dine. In the psychology world, repetitive procrastination is classic passive aggressive behavior…us telling our families we don’t want/view it as important to serve them (even if we aren’t consciously thinking of it that way). What do you all think?
I’m not sure why community commitments, feeding animals, or milking cows would be more of a motivation to stick to a schedule than all the positive benefits you noticed in your own family on the days when you managed to get up and at ‘em. I’m not saying I advocate a strict schedule; that’s not my point. I think general routines are important but should never be inflexible. My point is: I am puzzled by the factors which you think are motivating and those that aren’t. I mean…getting up to feed farm animals is motivating, but getting up to make sure your kids eat something besides crackers and snack food for breakfast is not? Workers to be directed will get someone out of bed, but not children to be directed? I just find that very puzzling. I’m one of those who, while valuing my kids’ involvement in community activities, prioritizes the home time more. The home time gets my best effort. The home schooling gets my best energy. My kids do plenty of outside activities, and I realize the need for home schoolers (especially with smaller families like mine) to connect with other people, but it’s what we do at home that it top priority for me. It’s what gets me up in the morning no matter how exhausted. The cows can wait; my kids can’t.
Posted by missy on Monday, Oct 1, 2012 2:18 PM (EST):I’m not sure why community commitments, feeding animals, or milking cows would be more of a motivation to stick to a schedule than all the positive benefits you noticed in your own family on the days when you managed to get up and at ‘em.
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The cows can wait? Our’s sure couldn’t.
“the seemingly simple prospect of getting everyone in the car and driving 10 minutes to the parish church can be an endeavor of epic proportions.” Thank you for writing this! I just went through a tough weekend trying to explain to my Mom why I need help and she kept asking me “what the big deal” was about just bringing all the kids to her house, instead of her stopping over here….I couldn’t explain why it is so hard to leave the house with a 3 y.o, 2 y.o and 7 month old….but it is! At least I know I’m not crazy…
Well, I’ll be thinking about this one a while, Jennifer. I have some of the mixed thoughts and feelings that others have posted. I love the idea that things are more joyful and fulfilling done in community, but for me, this scenario/article would be more true if you were talking about external authority. I also think farmers do what they do because there is wisdom in what they do. They’ve know what they have to do, and they know when and how they need to do it to get it done. Farmers and ranchers know these things. A modern homeschooling mom doesn’t. At least, this one doesn’t. Ha!
Meaning, because we haven’t done it as long..
Getting up and out for a walk with my husband before the kids are up does it for us. This our talk time and I love to meet the day rather than have it pull me out of bed. We do this three mornings of the homeschool week and daily mass for the other two. Our boys have committed to serving at the altar those days and are expected to be there.
I guess some of us need external motivation more than others! I know it works wonders for me. When I don’t have anything on the schedule, it’s easy to be laid back. For the past six years, I’ve driven my children to Catholic school every day and there were many days that were a huge hassle to get the kids in the car on time and to school without having to set a land speed record. This year, I offered to take another family’s children with us so that couple could be on time for work. Because my two youngest girls know we have to meet the other family by a certain time, they are much better at getting up and getting ready. External motivation! We have been at school 5-10 minutes ahead of time every day so far this year.
The downside of this is it makes me think we don’t respect ourselves as much as we worry about offending others. Guess that’s something that needs work in our household.
What I have found helpful for self discipline in general is to expect it to be hard. I was talking with a friend about a problem she was having with self discipline in a small matter, and she said, in some exasperation with herself “It shouldn’t be that hard”. As soon as she said this I realized that viewing the problem that way is self defeating. If you expect it to be hard you can mentally and spiritually take a deep breath and summon your strength. Imagine you are going down stairs, and the last step is much bigger than you thought. You could easily take that step if you are prepared for it, but if you think that the step is small and don’t prepare for it you could easily fall.
I shouldn’t have the nerve to post a tip on self discipline since I’m fairly undisciplined and a pretty lousy housekeeper. But here goes - getting up and putting my sneakers on right away makes me do more. If I’m in my socks I can sit and watch TV, read a book, or surf the internet for hours. Now I put my sneaks on first thing in the morning and don’t take them off until I’m heading up for bed.
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And if you find getting kids in the car exhausting - here are some tips but they probably only work if you’ve got a lot of cargo space in your vehicle - keep diapers, wipes, spare outfits, water bottles, and non-perishable snacks like peanut butter crackers or Kashi bars in your car at all times. Then when you feel like going somewhere, just go and put the kids in the car. If you notice one or two are messy as you’re strapping them into their car seats, put the diaper wipes to work and clean them up. Diaper wipes work better than a Tide to Go pen on clothes but if the outfit is really stained, you may need to pull out a spare one. I usually wait to clean kids up until I get to the destination.
@ Michelle
Behavior Psyc Guys/doctors/professors—their job is to give behaviors a name and then place it in a box…repetitive procrastination, classic passive agressive behavior. I think not. As I read and reread the challenges expressed by individuals, I see many different lives (new town and home, homeschooling few, homeschooling many, older children, younger children, children in school, etc.) Jennifer’s question is quite a common one when you think of it for everyone with a job before them. I think the good news is that at this moment in time she is blessed to have found the answer to her desire—self discipline. Let’s face it, the motivating factor will sometimes be outside of our families and sometimes be inside. God provides what we need when we need it if we ask and wait patiently on the Lord. Isolation is a challenge…but it is a great offering as well until the Lord relieves you of it by whatever way He wills. Until then, use those sacrifice beads…let’s hold one another in prayer…let’s ask our guardian angel to visit yours with gifts of momentary consolations…let’s console the Blessed Virgin Mary on her journey to Elizabeth or to Egypt. Do not fret for it is just a snapshot in time. God bless you all! (I almost forgot, I’m married 21 years to a profoundly Catholic Psych guy/doctor/professor.)
I struggle with this as much as the next person so I hesitate to say anything but you have all missed the spiritual angle of this topic. Concupiscence leads us to be lazy which is what we are really talking about here. We would rather do something else like take a nap, check a blog. We are lonely, isolated, depressed so without realizing it we start feeling sorry for ourselves. Before you know it you are on a blog not doing what you are supposed to be doing. I am in the middle of this battle right now. I don’t have time to write all I would like and will leave it at, this has a spiritual dimension and I am surprised that a Catholic blog didn’t mention that at all. Commenters have hit on some good points about schedules and routines. Each Mom has to find her own system. Prayer can help you find your way. Confession too. I think the idea of self discipline is part of the problem. Too much reliance on self. You cannot do it alone. We need God’s grace to build the virtues and habits that lead to a disciplined life. Gotta go…..so much to do.
I can’t help myself….being a Mom is our work:
“God created man to work”
“Work is one of the highest human values and the way in which men contribute to the progress of society. But even more, it is a way to holiness”
“Thus their work becomes a means to sanctify themselves and help others to do the same thing.”
St. Jose Maria Escriva http://www.opusdei.us/sec.php?s=310
The above quotes are in today’s Message of the Day on their website.
Pray for me and I will pray for you.
@Cheeriosinpocket—I was in no way coming down on Jennifer. Everyone needs to find something that works for them, and if it works for her great! God does give us what we need to get through the moment. I do believe God wants us to thrive right where he has placed us though. My main point was asking the question: Why can’t we view our own family as the community? The Church teaches that we are the smallest unit of society. We are our own mini-communities, regardless of how many children God has given us. There is a discrimination in our culture toward looking at our families this way. It is more virtuous by today’s standards to be held accountable to someone in the larger community rather than someone in our more immediate community. It should be the other way around. To me, thinking of myself as in isolation is an insult to my family. I’m not in isolation. I have a husband and Children and then on a larger scale extended family and neighbors and my Church community I am accountable too. I completely understand that a girl’s gotta have friends and most people do desire outside charity, involvement in the community at large as well, and those things are definitely good. But, to see these factors as more motivating than care for own families seems misplaced.
Also, habitual procrastination is definitely an indicator of a passive aggressive attitude. Labeling behaviors is OK sometimes, it helps us to know ourselves. I’m not accusing anyone of being passive aggressive. I’m looking to myself mostly…maybe that applies to others here, and maybe not. If not, please disregard. Habitual procrastination is a way of putting myself before others. It’s me telling whomever that I will do things on my terms, when and how I like. Unfortunately I usually end up doing this with those I am closest too. The reason external motivation is effective is because I fear other people thinking I’m inconsiderate, lazy, etc. etc. and I don’t want to be rude to them. All I’m asking is why is it OK then to be rude to my husband and children?
I am very motivated to get my shower done before my husband leaves for work. I can’t stand spending half the morning with messy hair and no make up. So this motivates me to get up and get moving, in order to shower before he leaves. Once I’m showered and feel ready for the day, it’s easier for me to stay on task.
Eileen ,
Thanks so much for the practical advice-I’ll have to remember about diaper wipes taking out stains.
I notice so much angst in comments at times & wonder how much could be relieved by common sense & shared practical experience?
Being in charge of a household is a “real” job but few in society seem to approach it that way.A lot comes to us through intuition but how many careers or vocations are begun the way homemaking is with no real preparation, no morale building seminars, no retreats, no training or mentors?
I never wear shoes at home but I “get” your advice about putting on shoes as opposed to wearing socks alone.I read a great book years ago where the author advised putting on makeup first thing in the morning.It changed her attitude,made her feel like she was actually awake & ready to tackle things in a professional way.
Also, cleaning up the kitchen & tidying things up before you go to bed at night makes a real, positive impact on how your next morning goes.If your day starts off unraveled, it’s likely going to continue in that mode.
Totally agree, Kathleen. All those things (putting on makeup early in the morning, neatening up the night before, etc) have made a huge difference for me.
Thanks to Ann for reminding us about the reality of concupiscence and its potential impact on our behavior/choices! And to Kathleen - I was just talking about homemaking being a real job that (depending on one’s experiences and upbringing) comes with little to no training. At least in my case, I was encouraged to study hard, get good grades, participate in extra-curricular activities that interested me, and to get into a good college or university so I could get a good job and support myself. Now that I am a newly-minted SAH Mom of multiple kids, I wish I would have helped my grandmother can tomatoes, learned to sew clothing, and spent more time learning about - and practicing - basic household management skills. My parents didn’t intentionally neglect to teach me things - I believe they just allowed me the freedom to pursue my own interests (not home ec, obviously!). As it is, I pray for Mother Mary to walk alongside me now, helping me to keep things in some semblance of order, and praising God that He isn’t through with me yet. :)
Heather & Claire,
Thanks!
I think we need Home Ec. back in school curriculums. Dropping it as an elective choice sort of shows how much society respects homemakers.
There are lots of good books-usually found on the Protestant Christian book racks-with ideas for running a home, saving money,de-cluttering, etc.
Don Aslett has some good cleaning books & materials for sale at his website.Also Amazon has used copies of “the Sidetracked Sisters” books which are really funny & helpful. You don’t have to totally subscribe to every self-help organizing guru, but there’s usually enough hints that apply to your own home to make reading organizing books worthwhile.
Now that Home Ec.‘s gone, that’s about all we’ve got to fall back on.
:)
Kathleen - You are so right! And I’ve been cleaning the kitchen before bed for so long I’d forgotten the impact it has on me! When I come downstairs in the morning to a somewhat neat living area, the whole day seems brighter.
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I’m not a flylady.com adherent, but I’ve been able to get some tips from her that really were lifechanging for me and my family. And I’ve managed to turn some of her tips into spiritual exercises. Every Lent and Advent, I go through my home every single day (except Sundays) and give away or throw out X number of things.
Eileen ,
Thanks so much for the “flylady” info. I’m going to pass that along to my daughter. She has 3 little ones underfoot & is trying to run a home business.Sounds like another good resource for her to check out.
God bless!
@ Michelle & Ann
Conversion is the matter of a moment. Sanctification is the work of a lifetime. (The Way, 285)
That was one quote from the Opus Dei website that Ann mentioned. But, Michelle, we are called to grow in holiness with each new day. I believe that our families will be, in our vocation as wife and mother, our first and foremost daily opportunity to grow in holiness; however, I also believe that opportunity is fully before us with each new conception, through birth, and at some point it should lessen ever so slightly and continue to decrease from that moment forward…why, one might ask? Because it is only natural that our daily growth in sanctification, for lack of a better word, grow. Natural growth will occur from our giving ourselves to our husbands, fully, then from giving ourselves to our children, fully, to giving to others before us, fully. But “fully” may not be reachable (unless we are among those few each century) before God moves us to our next step. So, an unborn to day of birth baby requires us fully…once born, our baby requires us 98.5% of the time (1.5% being in the arms of our husband and grandparents). I believe our children know the depths of our love. I do not doubt that those women who are responding are loving Moms who are not dumping their children but are perhaps being called to that next step outward (which seemed to really serve those little girls who are always ready and not dragging their feet at all).
It is all about moments and lifetime. For example, my husbands folks moved in with us (agreed upon prior to marriage) when we were married 3 and 1/2 years and our third child was 7 months old. It was God’s call for our family; although it wouldn’t have appeared that way for the first year or so…moments that add up to more sanctification.
Two of our four children have special needs. Once we perceived the challenges before us, we didn’t jump up and down with thanks for the gifts before us. It is all of those moments where we grow that lead us toward sanctification. Must run…God’s blessings!
Thank you for making me not feel like such a complete loser.
I live in a rural area and home school four kids and take care of my (crazy) mother and get *so* isolated. We (miraculously) make it fairly often, but even daily Mass is almost a 25 min. drive, one-way. As I type this I am looking at last night’s dishes, that multiplied throughout today. Now I’ve got a formidable mountain—and I haven’t even mentioned the laundry. The place looks like a cyclone went through it and I have sooo much correcting/grading to do, too. I just took a little break to put my feet up and read the NCR and now I see that other moms feel overwhelmed and undisciplined sometimes, too. Thanks for letting me vent. Now I hear the Legos clicking together so I gotta get everyone back on task. Back to the grind…
to Bernadette
God’s blessings upon you! You are not alone.
My recent conclusion…there are 3 (not 2) certainties in life
1) death
2) taxes
3) LAUNDRY!!! (this is the job that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends, some people started washing clothes so many years ago and we’ll continue washing them because we didn’t know….this is the job that never ends…Shari Lewis and LambChop
Jennifer, thank you for the thought provoking article.
I think you’re onto something when you suggest that we are designed to live in a community and therefore actually *need* to do so.
This need probably takes different forms for different people.
For your family, the Mothers’ Day Out program has made all the difference. I’m happy for you that you have found such a program!
When we had a lot of little kids and babies in the family, I found going out at a precise pre-scheduled time to be quite stressful, especially in the morning. Yet we did need that community connection. Simply getting out to Sunday Mass together, and attending any family oriented church activities which were available, was enough for us.
I went in a somewhat opposite direction from what you describe and became more flexible about scheduling and more “unschooly” re: home schooling. This works well for us because of the temperaments of most of our family. We still do need structure like everyone does, and having a regular routine during the day really helps, but I find that if I am too wedded to a schedule, I can begin to live for the schedule and feel irritated by all the “interruptions” Yet the “interruptions” comprise much of family life. While some family needs are predictable, e.g., everyone have to eat three meals and snacks during the day, others are not, e.g., two kids arguing who need to be guided to become peacemakers, random messes, or a kid needing some extra attention. Blending the predictable and unpredictable needs requires both regularity (making meals around the same time every day), and flexibility (being willing to drop my agenda for a child who needs to talk).
External events can help with the need for regularity, because then we can hook other regular needs onto the external events, as you describe. Yet too many externals can make it difficult to be flexible. My guess is that as a sensitive mom, you noticed your family needed more regularity and sought it, and now you have reached that middle ground where you have both regularity and flexibility. Best wishes to you!
Bernadette,
Beautiful name & a great saint, too!
God bless you & help you with all you do-especially that laundry.I’ve been there, too.
Hang in there!
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