I am a professional photographer & videographer who has been contracted to provide services for several proms. Things are not as outlined above. We are a traditional family with high standards and I can honestly say that although some of the music may have been a bit saucy, there was nothing promoting drugs or blatant immorality, nor where there any kids dressed like “back ups for Lady Gaga.” There were no drugs nor alcohol and any event, and the kids behaved quite maturely. I’ve no problem allowing our son to go to prom on this his senior year.

My son is going to his senior prom. Admittedly, I didn’t agonize about any of this; I went to prom back when Madonna was vogue before she wrote vogue and I admittedly loved her music. 

We survive youth and we have to trust this will continue to be the case.  As a parent, at some point, you have to trust that what you have taught has sunk in enough to allow them to go out.  Then you get to pray for them to have wisdom, good judgement and prudence and love the heck out of them when they don’t. 

Personally, I view it as a right of passage, a sign of his maturing, of his growing up.  His prom is this weekend.

My son and several of his classmates (males and females) chose to go to the parochial altar server retreat instead of going to their high school dance.

“and everyone has a dance card, so nobody feels left out. That kind of setup carries all the traditional benefits of the annual prom: Kids get to take steps toward adult behavior, but they do so within clear boundaries set by their parents.”

Parents taking the choice away for kids to choose their dance partner so that “nobody feels left out” is not allowing the kids to take steps toward adult behavior.

While I’ve seen car accidents on TV, seeing one in person made a dramatic impact on me.  Having a car accident marked me for life.

Subjecting a child to the rampant immorality in the typical prom - I’ve chaperoned a few - is not an experience to be looked forward to.  It will impact a young adult - legally adult or not, they’re still quite impressionable - in ways that are beyond a parent’s control.

Bottom line: your child’s soul will be exposed to almost certain moral risk.  And this is in itself sinful.

Augustine… “Rampant Immorality?”  Wow!!! I can only imagine proms you’ve chaperoned are attended by neanderthal children who are conceptual products of neanderthal parents!! Sheesh! I guess I should be thankful we live in a very rural area away from the hotbeds of sin city centers tend to be unfortunately.

My best advice is the same as that given to me by my religious educators: avoid the near occasion of sin. In other words, don’t put yourself (or your children) in a situation where they may be tempted to sin. Keep in mind that sin isn’t limited to actions; approval of others’ sins is sinful. Also, repeated exposure to a sinful environment can numb a person to it, making it seem to be an acceptable norm. Why open a door to it?Children, even young adults, do not have the moral maturity to properly judge all situations, regardless of how well schooled they are. I would play it safe and avoid the occasion to sin that most American parents call ‘the prom’.

I usually love reading everything you post, Jennifer. But, I am saddened by this post as the thoughts you’ve expressed in the bullet points do not reflect traditional Catholic thought and understanding on deliberate exposure to places and situations which constitute near-occasions of sin—even for full-grown and independent adults. Scripture tells us in no uncertain terms to flee from immorality. Run - go the other way!

No, we cannot hide ourselves or our children from every bad thing in the world. But some situations are to be avoided because the potential evils are quite serious and can be foreseen with a fair amount of certainty. And, I think you are quite wrong in your speculation that a child who loves God and her parents cannot be affected by one raucous night at a prom. If a child truly is holy, exposure to an atmosphere where serious sins are manifest in terms of music, immodest dress, impurity, etc. will at the very least cause that child great pain. It is one thing to drive past a billboard, it is another thing to be immersed in an environment of sin.

A lot of High Schools have a clean prom with a list of rules and a dress code. Some schools have faculty present that check bags for alcohol.

When it was my prom, the faculty made sure we were safe and well behaved during the event. There was oppurtunity for drinking and sexual situation after the prom, but I would never partake because I am not the type of person to give in to those pressures. My mom knew this and trusted me.

It really depends on the school, and the student!

My son attends a private Catholic boys high school.  They host dances with the local Catholic girls school.  We received a letter this year reiterating the school’s dance policies along with commentary to the effect of lewd dancing becoming the cultural norm and that sponsoring dances in the future may be in jeopardy if the cultural trend keeps seeping into their dances.  The following article was attached to the school letter.  Times have indeed changed and as someone mentioned earlier, allowing your child to go may permitting them to enter near occasions of sin.  We are called to be heroic in the culture.  Not going to these dances may be part of a “mini-martyrdom” for some of our kids, but will pay off in developing a life of virtue.  My son had no desire to attend.

http://beaconnews.suntimes.com/news/ward/3873191-418/school-dance-policies-not-same-old-grind.html

Parents are allowed to attend prom, if you want to see what is going on for yourselves.  My husband is a public high school principal and he recently experienced a backlash of criticism for not allowing lewd dancing or “grinding” at dances this year.  He was called Hitler by parents defending their child’s right to grind.  Letters to the editor and articles were published that basically said he was wrong and that it is just they way kids dance.  It was quite ugly. There were a few in support of him, thankfully.

Garnet that’s the way it is where we live. I am really shocked and blown away by some of the comments here. It seems to me that we’re living in an isolated pocket and are surrounded by sin infested proms all around us!! I guess much also depends on how solidly our kids are grounded in the faith by us the parents. We know our son would shy away from any situation where the near occasion of sin might lie. He is just that way. But our proms our so well regulated, and the kids in our school are such an amazing bunch (and I’m not blind to realities either) that as I wrote above, we have no problem allowing our urchin to enjoy his rite of passage into the next phase of his life!

For those of you that don’t think this is a serious problem, think again. Grinding (look it up if you don’t know what it is)is very common. I have 2 teenage daughters and 3 younger daughters. The conservative Catholic high school they attend does not allow immodest dress or grinding at any dances and they are heavily chaperoned, my daughters have a blast at these dances. The other Catholic high schools have had to cancel dances because of not just grinding but excessive grinding (not exactly sure what that is but it can’t be good). Parents, please protect your children, this kind of dress and dancing is not good for our culture. My girls will go to proms if the standards continue at their school.

I think just attending high school can be a near occasion of sin.  Honestly, some of the clothes I see people wearing at church could be considered a near occasion of sin but that isn’t going to stop me from attending mass.  I have a son and a daughter attending Prom this year. I am sure that there will be children dressed inappropriately.  I am sure there will be some lewd behavior and probably music I wouldn’t want to hear, but I trust my children. I know their friends and the parents of those friends.  They are looking forward to dressing up, eating out and yes, even dancing.  I have brought them up in the ways of the Lord and I think they can be trusted to behave and have fun.  I have watched them grow up and make good choices.  They have shown me by those choices that they can be trusted and have an evening of wholesome fun.  Evil is real and my children know this, but I will not lock them away because they might see it or hear it.  They are not frequenting a bar or night club, it is a formal dance that will be chaperoned by parents and teachers, I wouldn’t deprive them this opportunity to have a wonderful time with their best friends.

This so reminds me of the Dog Poop Brownie analogy.

A father listened to all the reasons his children gave for wanting to see a particular PG-13 movie: it had their favorite actors, everyone else was seeing it, even some church members said it was great, it was only rated PG-13 because of the suggestion of sex-they never really showed it, the language was pretty good-they only used the Lord’s name in vain three times in the whole movie, the video effects were fabulous and the plot was action packed. Yes, there was the scene where a building and a bunch of people got blown up, but the violence was just the normal stuff, it wasn’t very bad. Even with all these explanations for the rating, the father wouldn’t give in. He didn’t even give them an explanation for saying, “No.” He just said “No.”

Later that evening, the father asked his kids if they would like some brownies he had prepared. He explained that he had taken the family’s favorite recipe and added something new. They asked what it was. He calmly replied that he had added dog poop. He stated that it was only a tiny bit and that all the other ingredients were gourmet quality. He had taken great care to bake it at the precise temperature for the exact time. He was sure the brownies would be superb.

Even with all the explanations of the perfect attributes of the brownies, the kids would not take one. The father acted surprised. There was only a small amount of poop, so what could the problem be? He assured them that they would hardly notice it at all. But they all held firm and would not try the brownies.

He then explained that the movie they wanted to see was just like the brownies. Satan tries to enter our minds and our homes by deceiving us into believing that just a little bit of evil doesn’t matter. With the brownies, just a little bit makes all the difference between a great brownie something really gross. He explained that even though the smallest amount of dog poop makes the brownie totally unacceptable, they seemed to having no problem watching a movie of similar ingredients. The people who make movies and TV shows would have us believe their entertainment is acceptable for adults and youths; but they are no more so than dog poop brownies are good to eat!

Now when this father’s children want to do something or see something they should not, the father merely asks them if they would like some of his special dog poop brownies and they never ask about it again.

First, be it known, I did not attend prom as a high schooler. Secretly, I was hoping for an invitation from some guy, but on the outside I thought it was ridiculous to spend the money.
I have sons. A few years ago, one spring day, I looked out the window to see a dozen-plus high school kids gathered at my neighbors’ taking group “prom” pictures. I was shocked at the various degrees of undress. I was glad that I didn’t have to send my son out the door, hoping he’d be a gentleman, only to find that helping a young lady into the car or dancing he’d find skin-skin-skin. I determined that at the right time, I’d execute my own Prom for my sons- and I’d be in charge of dress code. Yes, it is hard to find beautiful and modest in a dress- but not impossible. Promoting an atmosphere and having music where kids can have fun is also possible.  We’ll see what happens as the oldest son will be a senior in the fall. At this point he’s not interested in putting himself in such a situation.
BTW, I called the school after being scandalized by the appearance of the young people that evening. They assured me that they had a dress code. I know for certain that little flesh-toned number without a back was not sent home.

I would add, its not what goes on during prom as much as what goes on outside of prom that worries me. One of my daughters was very nervous and opted out of going the other one went with some friends and it all turned out ok. It’s a judgement call but one to take very seriously and pray to Mary.

If you want to get a sense of how the kids are dressing for prom in your area, check out your kid’s Facebook friends’ photos. It’s pretty obvious that even girls from families with good values haven’t absorbed the message that boys are visually oriented. In our case, that includes girls at our closest Catholic high school, which claims to have a dress code for prom. Dresses that meet the letter of the dress code can still be plenty immodest.

Even if the school does a good job keeping a lid on “grinding” and explicit music, school dances wind up being near occasions of sin for every male there. Like virtually every other rite of passage, school dances have been corrupted by the sexual revolution. Sad.

I know I’ve already heard “it’s not my fault if a boy thinks about sex when he sees me.”  Our girls have a responsibility to help keep our young men pure as well.  We are our brother’s keeper.  The girls are so taken with how “cute” they look (according to popular standards, of course)that they fail to see how they dress…even if there’s no cleavage showing, no underwear showing, or it’s not see through…can have a deep affect on a young man.  Our culture encourages them to feel “empowered” by this ability.  Remember to pray for the young man who will one day be your daughter’s spouse, that he may remain pure in mind, body and spirit.

Hmmm, what will we do now? Seems we can’t minister to prisoners, clothe the naked, pray with the sinners—all these could be occasions of sin. And as for what young ladies/girls wear to church—it’s more what they don’t wear. And their parents are there with them. I believe that most of the Saints of the Church walked with and among sinners—that’s who Jesus came to save, was it not? The sinners of this world not the Saints. Anyway, they are your children and you must do what your conscience tells you to do. You are the one who will stand before God; you and no one else will answer for your actions.

The Prom and similar events are not good because it’s all about conforming to secularism and especially trying to out-do your fellow classmates with spending and popularity - things that totally revolve around egotism and consumerism. The goal of the night is: who can spend the most, be the most popular, and have sex.

The idea that it’s acceptable to go and blow a few hundred dollars for a dress or whatever for just one night is total insanity (especially on the parental front) - along with the other outrageous costs ($200 dress, $50 food, $20 flowers, $20 transportation, etc, = >$290 for a nothing event). And in an environment which has nothing to do with finding a potential spouse, so they’re wasting their time getting close to another. Kids that age should not even be dating in the first place, for without the proper maturity level they’re bound to engage in activities they shouldn’t by simple virtue of the fact they’re in a relationship but not mature enough to guide it in the proper direction (i.e. towards marriage). Parents who say ‘yes’ to Prom are typically of the ‘confused’ 60s-70s generation that largely failed in their parenting role - and worse yet put pressure on decent parents to conform to what society says is what all teens should do to be ‘normal’. And even more disheartening are those parents who think that because the school is Catholic that somehow things will be all right (they have no idea that most Catholic schools are not “Catholic” and that even the good ones are full of non-Catholic students with ‘worldly desires’ to impose).

Jesus told us that not only is adultery wrong but also thoughts in the heart and looks. Yes there is such a thing as an impure look. Then the tradition of the Church has developed this and so we now know that immodest dress is a sin because it is an occasion of sin of an impure look to others. The idea of an ‘occasion of sin’ has also been developed by the church - the idea is this: if a context, place or occasion of impure looks is foreseen and if it is not necessary to enter it, then to go onto it is itself a sin of tempting the Holy Spirit. So it is not correct to say that “I can go to the prom and not sin in my heart” because you have already sinned by entering the occasion of sin. So prom, and nearly all partis in the Western world, are evil.

I can remember my prom—it was disgusting. I vividly recall my shock at seeing classmates grinding and what not to music I’d never heard. Sure there were a few classic songs but the rest of the night—yuck.

I can only imagine what Prom will end up looking like when my daughter is old enough. But then again, maybe that’s the climate here in general. It’s hard to take the kids to the park without observing a used condom or lewd behavior or blaring music with extreme language and themes. I’m not exaggerating and I live in a smallish FL town. Maybe we will move to one of these commentators towns which apparently have safer proms haha.

I agree with Mary and CatholicMom about removing occasions of sin, ie, concupiscence.

As for the others that are extolling the virtues of exposing children and youth to immorality, it’s just their way of trying to make themselves feel better about their poor choices.

Let Mary and CatholicMom and others like them state what they believe (correctly) is the best thing to do in this situation.  If you don’t like it, don’t make condescending remarks to them, counter them, but don’t ridicule them.

Hey catholicmom, that analogy is not only old but absurd.  You eat “dog poop” all the time and don’t even know it.  There’s nothing that you ingest that doesn’t have some small amount of poison, toxin, infestation, bacteria, etc.  It all matters: how much.  It’s in your water.  It’s on your hands.  It’s all over your house.  It’s on your fruit..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyH4nLdvZPE

Tastes like chicken. 

If you have a dog - or visit a home with a dog - and he does this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOtqw_IEGh0
you have ingested dog poop. 

I can’t believe the excessive amounts of fear so many people have.  To see sin is not an occasion of sin; ask any saint who lived among, you know, regular people.  My question is: what are you going to do next year, when your kid is in college, and will sees a little too much skin in the bar?  Or has one too many beers?  Oh, wait, your kid will be the only college kid to never set foot into one of those places of concupiscense, right?  Because they’ll go to a super-Catholic college and good Catholic kids just don’t do those bad things…..hahahahahahaha!!

If there was one piece of advice that I would give new parents it would be to never think you have plenty of time to teach your kids everything you want them to know before they leave.  What is most important?  That all this is passing and our end goal is heaven.  We are called to be radical Catholic families and to be perfect as our heavenly Father is perfect.  If going to the prom aids your child in this goal, then let him go.  If it doesn’t, or if you question if it will help, help them choose something that you know will help.  It’s hard to get our kids to think this way in the teen years.  They think they have plenty of time.  And maybe they do.  Remember the gate is narrow and we know neither the time or hour.  It is not fear, but love and wanting heaven for ourselves and our children that drives us.  I hope I don’t sound preachy, it’s just awfully hard to keep our eyes on the prize, isn’t it?  Doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy life and find joy in the journey.  Is prom part of this?  We each have our priorities.

Nobody has mentioned this, but let’s not forget that spending a night “celebrating” to pop music is quite a secularist gesture.  Simply put, the vast (VAST) majority of pop music is not fit for Christian consumption, as it is often intellectually deficient, spiritually empty, and is almost always produced by people who have no interest in promoting (let alone even tolerating) the Christian worldview.  Furthermore, this music is almost always detrimental to our spiritual health - it is designed to be as catchy as possible, training us to accept music (and its message) on a subconscious level.

Most believers don’t want to hear it, but it’s time to turn off the radio and seek truly beautiful music elsewhere.  That such proms have this deficient music as their sole soundtrack should be more than enough to make us boycott them.

I know that “most people” don’t believe this, but “most parents” nowadays grew up in an already fractured culture, and (as an above commenter has noted) have little interest in defending purity or common decency.  “Most people” will think you a weirdo (or even an extremist) for so blatantly resisting the popular culture, but what of it?  Our souls are worth more than a popular song and dance, and the counter-culture learning value in resisting this gutted tradition is great indeed.

My wife and I were baptists growing up.  She was the type that didn’t go to dances because she couldn’t do it “in faith”.  She never judged anyone else.  All I know is that when I gave my life entirely to Christ and started looking for a wife she was that priceless perl.  20 years(6 as Catholics) and 9 kids later she’s more precious. 

Should a young person take off their scapular to go to a prom?  To what are young people devoted today?  If we thought about our guardian angel, would we intentionally take him to a prom?  Is it love of the world or love of Christ that makes us so much want to be part of these cultural icons.  However, let us not become like the older brother or the pharisee.  Whatever we do, go or not go, we should do “in faith” for the love of Christ. My parents went to their prom together and have been married over 50 years.  That was in 1955. The culture has significantly changed.  My desire is to fill my children with so much truth and such a love of Christ that they make their own wise decision by that age.

How many of us had such a wonderful prom experience that we go back in our memories to relive it?  How many of us relive it but with embarrassment and, perhaps some shame.

Every parent will make their own decision in this regard - hopefully in prayer and discernment.  But - in the end will it really make a huge difference and a positive difference in for your child.  Really??  Will they really suffer if they don’t go? 

Prom is an extra, not a necessity.  Throughout my high school years (20 years ago) I went two years and two years I didn’t and in the long run not going was never a big deal.  Perhaps going isn’t either - but I’m not so sure anymore.

Our homeschooled 18 yr old son was asked by a parent if he would escort her friend’s daughter to a Catholic school prom whose escort had backed out last minute.  At first he was pleased and thought it would be a great experience - his aunt and uncle are ballroom dancers and have taught him “moves”.  Then he asked the parent about the girl’s character and all he got was that she was from a good family and very smart and wanted to go and feel like a princess.  He was looking for something more concrete so he asked outright if she would dress like a lady and recv’d some vague answer.  Then a guy(who goes to that school) happened to mention how difficult it was not to gape down a girl’s dress; how there was no fronts nor were there any backs.  Though he empathized that the girl wanted to go and there was only a week left he called the parent (he never could talk to either the girl in question or her mother which made him further uncomfortable) and respectfully declined.  Another friend who is female happened to display a picture of her prom gown on Facebook and she had altered it so beautifully with a simple type chiffon scarf around the shoulders (safety-pinned! and you would never know it) that he was impressed and knew he had made the right decision at that point in his life.  Now he’s at a Catholic college and enjoying the social life….which includes dances with girls who respect him as a brother in Christ.  Yes, there are still girls who toe the line in fashions, and his comment is always how disappointing it is.

Mine will be going if they so choose and if we feel they’re mature enough to make wise choices (they’re still young).  For example, if there are temper tantrums about the ground rules (modest dress, reasonable preset budget, supervised afterparty) then forget it, they will lose their permission to go. 

We have talked to our kids from the time they were very very small about their bodies, their choices, and how ultimately THEY are responsible for how they choose to live their lives; consequently they have always been quite independent-minded and not particularly susceptible to peer pressure.  They’re well-grounded in their faith and in the reasons we choose to live the way we do, and why we decline to participate in certain aspects of secular culture even if they do look very fun and sexy and enticing.  They know that what seems alluring and exciting when their hormones are running full-tilt, pretty much always brings pain and regret in the future.  (Their father and I are also aware that they may need to learn this the hard way, as many now-faithful adults did in their day too.  That is why our God is merciful and forgiving.)

In my view, prom is an important dry run, with parental guidance and support, giving extremely valuable practice in navigating the world of late adolescence/early adulthood in which they will be constantly surrounded by sinful behavior and choices. Late high school constitutes those last precious few years when we can still have a say in these matters, and I feel I need to use that time to help them develop the skills to be exposed to, but not indulge in, those lifestyle choices.  Because I have no intention of following them to college/first job/faraway military postings to monitor their social lives.

Also—I do not agree with the “avoid sinful company at all costs” mentality-let’s all say it together for the millionth time-to whom and with whom did Jesus minister?  Of course we must teach our children that the influences and company they keep in part determines the quality of their character and minds, but ultimately I don’t believe in teaching them to judge the sins of others.  They can do more good by witnessing their faith to those who need it the most, than they can by reinforcing a possible prideful tendency to place oneself above others.  We’re all sinners—the poor silly fifteen year old girl in a skimpy dress and drunk on the power she has over her male peers, and the sniffy parents who tell other parents who might make different choices that they’re WRONG WRONG WRONG.

“If a kid has a strong relationship with God and with her parents, it is unlikely that one evening at even the most raucous prom is going to throw her off course morally.” For what it’s worth, I would say that if you consider “veering off course morally” to include “having their faith in God and the Church weakened”,  I wholeheartedly disagree with the above quote.

“...to whom and with whom did Jesus minister?”

How much ministering do you expect will happen at the prom? I don’t disagree with anything you said necessarily, but you’re tearing down a straw man.

Based on dancing I’ve seen in some public school products at a recent wedding (two women simultaneously rubbing their loins against a man’s buttock and crotch), I’d say “Hell, NO!” would be my default response.

If my kids still wanted to go and I trusted their date, I might consider it pending a viewing of a school dance live or via video and/or making sure I was allowed to drop in and check on my child’s welfare.  Most schools will not allow a parent to view the proceedings for fear they will s#!* their pants and make a scene pulling their child off the dance floor, so this probably disallows it right there.  At least then I can blame the school for not meeting me half way.

If you live in Minnesota, have your children reuse their dresses and suits for something changing the world…
CATHOLIC PROM!

As a senior in highschool, I have been to my highschools prom and Catholic prom as a junior last year, and Catholic prom was SOOO much more fun. Secular, clean music, Christian music, food, photographers, grand march, mass, no pressure, no grinding, just fun and only $20. Most people don’t bring a “date” and it’s honestly the most fun night!

www.facebook.com/catholicprom
www.catholicprom.com

Check it OUT!

As a student at a “Catholic” high school, I can say I’ve definitely seen my fair share of lewdness at school dances.  It always makes me uncomfortable.  And the music is atrocious—by the end of the night I’m sick of it.  However, I use it as an excuse to get dressed up fancy and be with some of my friends (who often share my sentiments about the dancing).  My date and I always dance properly and often like to dance very, very slowly to a fast, awful song—just to mix things up a bit.

Oh, and it’s not that hard to find a modest dress, if you know where to look.  Strapless is not always bad, and many strapless dresses go quite nicely with a jacket, scarf, or shawl.  (I am, however, referring to strapless dresses which are straight across in both the front and back and have neither keyholes/v-necks or low backs.  Some sweetheart-neckline styles are acceptable, but those are harder to find.)

Thanks Jennifer for referencing my blog post about Prom.  Just over 700 people took a look at it!  My highest viewed entry yet.  I have finally written the follow up including my daughter’s comments as well as my own, if anyone is interested, here is the link:
http://go-bless.com/wordpress/2011/05/prom-perspectives/

Thanks Jennifer for referencing my blog post about Prom.  Just over 700 people took a look at it!  My highest viewed entry yet.  I have finally written the follow up including my daughter’s comments as well as my own, if anyone is interested, here is the link: http://go-bless.com/wordpress/2011/05/prom-perspectives/

As someone who went to prom only five short years ago, I have to say that my prom experiences were fine.  Yes there was racy music with questionable lyrics (although nothing that can’t be heard on the radio), but otherwise, my night was pretty squeaky clean.  My date was a gentleman (and I doubt I would have attended with someone who was not, even if it meant going alone) and we went to a friend’s house afterwards to have pancakes and play pool.  There was also a sponsored “gambling” night that was really fun and where you could win prizes donated by local businesses.  I think the problems are not prom, it’s what students do AFTER prom.  Most communities have alcohol-free, fun after prom activities like mine had (usually they involve opportunities to win i-Pod and other fun things), but there are also plenty of alcohol-filled parties.  If you know where your child is and what the expectation is, I don’t see the problem.  In fact, if you are worried, make sure your child comes home right after prom.  But I would have been so disappointed if I missed those opportunities to dress up like a princess!

I think kids should have prom. Ps… I’m a little girl borrowing my mom’s cellphone

As Beth Richards mentioned, maybe the best solution is to work on giving the teenagers an alternative. 

Better Prom is planning to host regional clean proms:
www.facebook.com/betterprom

No grinding, no vulgar lyrics, no revealing dresses.  The kids can still have fun with their friends at prom while avoiding negative influences.

If you try to shelter them too much, there is always the chance that they will rebel even further.

I think you all are crazy. You’re trying to control your children to follow an “God” that does not exist, but I’m sure you are all against imaginary friends (because that would be insane, right?!). By them following your rules and the “rules of god” or whatever, you are essentially controlling a human’s right to free will. Although they may not be a legal adult yet, your over protection, sheltering, and religious ideas are doing nothing but making them an outcast among their peers and subject to hatred, discrimination, and a social rejection. All in all, let your kids go to Prom. If they drink, have sex, or do drugs, it’s probably because you sheltered them far too much and now they are trying to grab their first taste of freedom and the real world. It’s not the 1930’s anymore; people are far more mature for their age and stuff like this is a normal occurance.