Now that I’m Catholic, I spend a lot more time feeling guilty than I used to. “Ah-ah!” the world would say, “Catholic guilt! Told you being Catholic was no fun.” I’d heard of this concept all my life, and I too had a vague image of Catholics walking around all tense and frowny-faced, too held back by unnecessary guilt to live life to the fullest. I felt bad for these sad sacks, thinking that that was the sort of thing that one would need years of therapy to get over. So it’s been interesting, then, to find that Catholic guilt is one of the best things that’s ever happened to me.
Before I was Catholic I had much less guilt—not because I never did anything wrong, but because I told myself I never did anything wrong. It’s perfectly natural to get that uncomfortable feeling of remorse if you’ve done something bad, so if you want to avoid feeling guilty, you only have two options: Stop doing bad things, or change your definition of what is bad. In typical modern fashion, I opted for the latter. If my conscience bothered me after passing along some juicy neighborhood gossip, I’d worm my way out of it by telling myself that I was merely sharing information, not gossiping. If I felt nagged by the fact that I’d been rude to someone, I’d assure myself that they deserved it. My creativity knew no bounds when it came to massaging my moral code so that I could avoid that uncomfortable feeling of guilt.
It was a shock, then, when I became Catholic, and assented to an immutable moral code that no human has the authority to change. All my mental acrobatics to rationalize my way to self-canonization were useless against the clear laws that God gives us through the Church ... and suddenly I found myself experiencing a sensation that I had spent my whole life running from: guilt.
At first it was no fun, and I spent too much time beating myself up for my many failures. But then I began to change. I began to rely on the sacrament of reconciliation in a real way, pouring out my guilt in the confessional, and received good counsel, grace, and the freedom of knowing that I was forgiven in return. Seeing how hopeless my own efforts were at the whole “not doing bad stuff” thing, I turned to the Eucharist for strength as I never had before. I began to approach God as my Lord and much-needed Savior, rather than as an intellectual concept.
What I found is that guilt is the natural and healthy result of having a clear moral code, and that there’s no way to grow personally and spiritually without it. We all do bad things sometimes, and it’s a normal response to feel bad about it. It is only when we embrace those feelings of remorse—instead of running from them—that we can take a hard look at where we went wrong and what we need to do to make ourselves better people in the future. My life has changed tremendously since becoming Catholic: I’m more happy and more peaceful, and even though I have a long way to go, I’m a much better wife, mother, daughter and friend than I used to be. By following the Church’s teachings and learning to develop a relationship with God, my life has become more rich and fulfilling than I ever thought possible ... and it all started with a good dose of Catholic guilt.
P.S. Speaking of things that changed since becoming Catholic, I’ll be talking about my conversion from atheism on EWTN television on Tuesday (July 19) on the show “The Choices We Face,” at 6:00 PM Eastern. I’d be delighted for you to tune in!
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DVR is set!! Now I can finally get some use out of all that money I pay for cable each month.
“...guilt is the natural and healthy result of having a clear moral code, and that there’s no way to grow personally and spiritually without it.”
Perfect summary!
I feel like I just heard your confession,for your penance read all that I write :)
Seriously, I’m impressed with the great strides that guilt brought you too
It’s refreshing to know some take their Catholic Faith very seriously and reap the rewards from it.
I go to confession every two weeks for my spiritual,cleansing shower and then God’s riches fill me and joyfully I go dancing down the sunny side of the street ( Wish I could sing :)
In and through Christ, Our Lord and Savior
Rene
I love this, Jen. I’ve had similar thoughts about “Catholic guilt,” whereby I’m learning that guilt at one’s own wrongdoings and a fear of the Lord are actually very healthy. I noticed, for example, that I actually like going to Confession nowadays, because I’m grateful that it’s there. It’s also only recently that I’ve made more connections between how the Sacrament of Reconciliation and the Eucharist are supposed to work in tandem.
Love it! This is exactly how I felt when I converted. I love the guilt, it makes me a better person.
When I hear mention made of Catholic guilt by critics of the Faith, I say that I feel guilty only when I do something wrong.
Guilt, suffering, or an empty bank account are not the great evils of life. Sin is.
The fear of the Lord(Sin) is the beginning of
wisdom. And knowledge of the “Holy One.”
Thanks Jennifer. I believe guilt to be a blessing in disguise. If I will something evil, it is good to know that I cannot run away from seeking contrition and amendment. Of course, guilt is not an end of itself, but a calling for a correction and a return.
Great post, Jen! Whenever someone starts in on how they don’t believe God wants us to feel guilty all the time and how, ergo, the Catholic Church can’t be God’s church, they’re missing the whole point. God doesn’t want us to feel guilty all the time, because he wants to lavish his mercy on us! He doesn’t want us to feel guilty insofar as he doesn’t want us to reject him. Guilt is our kick in the pants toward true happiness! Thanks for the encouragement!
There several disorders known as HSAN (Hereditary Sensory Autonomic Neuropathy) which cause victims to be immune from pain. It may sound good at first, but is a terrible affliction (one example is here).
This piece reminded me of that.
just caught you on EWTN! Loved it. I turned it on and told my husband—THAT is who I am always talking about. :)
As for guilt, its good to admit your own humility and sort of swim in it a bit. But not too much. Confession is wonderful. Personally, I work like this—when I sin, I feel terrible, then I realize that God allowed me to fall on my own to show me that I am nothing without His Grace—which is a much better feeling than guilt. So I resolve to go to confession, thank God for His Mercy and guidance, and the fact that whatever I mess up, God can use it for an even better purpose, so there’s no need to feel guilty :)
Remember Maureen O’Hara, as the irascible tyrannical mother to John Candy in the film “Only the Lonely”? Well, she had a moment of wisdom when she took her family dispute to the parish priest, saying, “Jews and Protestants see the psychiatrist, but Catholics see the priest.
If we went to confession, we would suffer far less anxiety and depression. Guilt is like pain, it tells you something is not right.
LISTEN TO IT!
“What I found is that guilt is the natural and healthy result of having a clear moral code, and that there’s no way to grow personally and spiritually without it.”
LOL. What you have done is trade one method of dealing with the same guilt for another.
There is no growth when you can just run the the car wash and come out clean.
I love this article. I have 8 children and when people used to say “there you go with that Catholic Guilt.” I used to say that “Guilt is good, I call it forming conscience. It is shame that is bad.”
Hi guys, I didn’t catch the show, but I’ve read some things here which sound great. I just wanted to clarify that guilt, confession, an absolution in themselves can be found surely in every religion, to some extent. Hopefully you realise that in scripture however, the guilty sinner, upon exerciding true faith in God’s mercy, is regenerated or ‘born again’. God deals with us through a legal set up whereby the unjust are forever justified, never again to be condemned, or remain guilty, lacking His Own righteousness…which righteous state is for us found in believing the gospel, not in prayers, repentances, and guilt/confession, or good feelings after these. We’re either condemned, or we’re forever justified, in adam or in Christ, black or white, no purgatory.
The danger with this type of guilt, though, is that many people take it overboard until they make themselves sick with it—just as sick as they were before, doing it the other way around.
I know a Catholic who feels guilty for squeezing a pimple, for eating in a restaurant that had on the wall a painting of a goddess, for absentmindedly singing a Springsteen lyric out loud, etc, etc.
With Jesus, we never have to be afraid that our guilt condemns us because He said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you!” As we confidently raise our gaze to Jesus especially on the cross He will give us a new vision of how we can be with others or in the same situation in which we fell short of his plan for our lives. In this way, our guilt will melt away into the past as we press forward to embrace a whole new world of exciting possibilities that open us to experiencing His joy, peace, and love within ourselves and with others in a new deeper way.
Praying that we all use our God-given immaginations to enter into the guilt-free, worry-free,abundant life Christ died to give us! God bless!
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