Every time I travel by air, there comes a point in the flight when I decide that I am never, ever flying again. It invariably occurs when the plane is woefully far from the earth and we hit turbulence. I can deal with some bumps during takeoff and landing, since something about being close to the ground gives me an irrational sense of security, but when things get bad at 30,000 feet, I freak. I resolve that this will be my last flight, one way or the other; on the off chance that I survive until landing, I will never make the terrible mistake of getting onto an aircraft again. Then, inevitably, the memories fade (or perhaps I block them out), and when the next trip comes up, I do not in fact insist on driving three thousand miles across the country, as I had promised myself on the last plane ride that I would.
At some point it occurred to me that I should probably work on this from a spiritual perspective, and so I started thinking and praying about how to be a more relaxed airline passenger. I've tried out different techniques on the various flights I've taken over the past couple of years, and here are a few that actually helped:
1. Trust the pilot
If I had it my way, at the first sign of turbulence I would be escorted up to the cockpit so that I could stand over the pilot's shoulder and shriek, "Why did you press that button?! Did you hear that beep?! Seems like the turbulence is getting worse -- maybe we should descend a few thousand feet. Don't you think we should avoid that cloud up there?! WHY DID YOU TURN THAT DIAL?!?!" In other words: I am a huge control freak, and that is likely at the root of my plane phobia. I can't see where we're going, I have zero input into how the flight is handled, and those feelings of utter powerlessness put me on edge. On a recent rough flight I realized at one point that, in a way, it was uncharitable that I would be so freaked out by a little bad weather: Our pilot and co-pilot undoubtedly had thousands of hours of flight time under their belts, and had received top-notch training for situations far worse than this one. Rather than fixating on my lack of control, I channeled my angst into positive thoughts about the skill levels of the pilots, as well as prayers for their efforts.
2. Think of the other passengers on your plane
Being on the brink of a panic attack is an incredibly isolating experience. You feel imprisoned in your own world of fear and stress -- and, the more you focus on it, the worse it gets. Another "ah-hah" moment I had on a tough flight came while I was praying one of my frantic prayers in which I basically told God over and over again how much I wanted off this plane. My manic thoughts were interrupted by a sudden awareness that there may be other people on the flight who were struggling as much as I was, maybe even more. My panicked state of mind had led me to a completely self-centered way of thinking. When I broke that thought pattern and began wondering about how everyone else on the plane was doing, praying for all those who were unsettled, it helped me focus less on my fears and more on how I might be able to be of service to those around me.
3. Think of the other passengers on planes all over the world
It's helpful to remember that there are thousands of other planes in the air all over the world at any given time: Thus, no matter how bad it gets, it's likely that passengers on some other flight, in the air at that same moment, have it a lot worse than you do. I've found it helpful to spend some time praying specifically for all the passengers all over the world who find themselves on difficult flights. As with the point above, it gives me a sense of kinship with others to remember that I'm not alone, and it's comforting to know that my prayers may be helping others who are are in similar situations.
4. Know the facts
Remembering all the other people on flights at the same time helps me fight my fears from a logical perspective, when I consider the sheer unlikliness that anything would go wrong with this particular flight. This cool Live Flight Tracker website shows the number of flights in the air at any given time (as of this writing there have been a staggering 69,000 flights in the past 24 hours!) Even if you knew for sure that some plane somewhere in the world was going have a major problem at this minute, with a couple thousand other planes in the air all across the globe, it would still be highly unlikely that it would be yours. The odds of a crash during a one-hour flight on a major airline are literally 1 in 1,000,000. You'd be more likely to be struck by lightning (1 in 576,000) or die from being bitten by a dog (1 in 700,000).
5. Recognize fear based on lack of familiarity
A thought exercise that helped me prepare for my last flight was to spend some time imagining that I went everywhere by airplane every day: A highly trained pilot picked me up in a plane to take me to the grocery store, to go to Mass, to take the kids to the park -- in this scenario, I almost never traveled by car. Then, I imagined how unsafe it would feel under these circumstances to get into a vehicle: It would strike me as strange to be traveling at high speeds when the driver wasn't even a trained professional; traffic would feel especially dangerous, as it would seem so easy to be hit by another car. When I used to travel more regularly, back in my pre-kid days, I did indeed find that flying got easier once I got used to it. I try to remember that when I'm feeling nervous on flights, and keep in mind that a lot of my fear simply comes down to lack of familiarity.
6. Offer it up
This is basic advice that every Catholic has probably heard hundreds of time, but it is helpful to pick a specific intention that is close to your heart, and plan to offer up your suffering for it. I always worry a little bit about this one -- I can just imagine telling God that I'll offer up any suffering on the flight for the conversion of a certain prominent atheist, only to have the captain announce right afterward that we'll be flying through a Category 5 hurricane -- but it is helpful to know that I'm putting my psychological suffering to good use by uniting it with the Lord's for the good of others.
7. Pray the Rosary
I find the Rosary uniquely helpful for dealing with my airplane panic. When we hit choppy air, being able to recite memorized prayers is helpful since the only prayers I would be able to come up with on my own would be something like "GAAAAAAAH! GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!" (Which I’m sure God wouldn’t mind, but it isn't very comforting for me.) Second, it's strengthening to have something to hold on to -- literally. I wrap my hands around the cord of my twine rosary, and think of it as being like a rope that tethers me to God.
One of the most powerful moments I've had on a plane came one time when I was meditating on the Agony in the Garden. We were bouncing around in high winds at 32,000 feet, and I was just about ready to fashion a parachute out of my sweater and take my chances outside this metal box o' doom. I finally managed to turn some of my attention to the life of Christ, it occurred to me that I had a unique opportunity here to relate to a certain aspect of his earthly experience. When the Lord allowed himself to be subject to human hands, he must have felt the pain of powerlessness, that unique type of agony when your circumstances are causing you pain, but someone else is in control of the situation. I realized that I had an opportunity on this flight to share in some minuscule way in that experience, if I would embrace this moment of having no personal control, and trust that our Father is ultimately in control of it all.
The flight that afternoon got worse before it got better, and I'd be lying if I said that praying the Rosary made all my fears disappear instantly. But losing myself in the Agony in the Garden did bring me a strong sense of peace that wasn't there before, and though I was still afraid, as the plane lurched around the sky I felt a little closer to Christ with every jolt.
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YOU POOR THING! For me my anxiety is magnified by being stuffed into tiny seats and ordered around by the “sky-waitress”, everyone acting sheepish due to TSA scrutiny (we’re ALL terrorists now!)
I recommend some medication to calm you down, and with your fine suggestions we can get through this, riding on the bus!
I used to panic on airplanes until a few years ago. The night before I was leaving for CA, Fr. Larry Richards was doing a mission at my parish. I told him about my fear of flying…he layed his hand on my head and prayed for me. No lie, I have had no fear since then.
I love number 5! I’m going to imagine this everyday plane ride scenario as I jet off to….Paris this week with my husband (what a life, right?!).The fact is, I have been obsessing with fear over this plan ride for about 6 months. It has helped to consider the fact that, since humans first took flight (and especially if you only consider major commercial aircrafts), ALMOST EVERY SINGLE FLIGHT—EVER—has been a successful flight (i.e. no crash). Thank you for this post; I think it is really going to help me. Blessings to you!
I hate to tell you this, but the turbulence on mid flight is the least serious, no matter how bad it is. Most crashes happen on take offs and landings.
Going to confession before a flight is probabily a good idea too.Put it on the packing list (or rather the unpacking list) :) .
I am a relatively ‘chill’ traveler, but I tend to become control-freakish about many other things day to day. Because of this, I have often turned to the Sorrowful mysteries as well, but more recently I have rediscovered the Joyful mysteries to be especially useful and comforting in these types of situations. I used to get easily bored with the Joyful mysteries, having it stuck in my mind that they were just lovely little glimpses into the prim and perfect life of Mary, always sinless and serene. Then I realized that if there ever was a model for dealing with lack of control, Mary is it! Her sinless-ness did not make her immune to the normal human experience of stress, but she does show us how to place ourselves in God’s hands. I just think of her fear and uncertainty at the Annunciation even while accepting God’s will, the internal temptation she may have faced while serving Elizabeth at this very mysterious time in her own life, the likely chaos of the Nativity, in spite of the angel choirs, letting go of Christ as the Son God, not just her own, and the panic she must have inevitably felt as a mother while not knowing the whereabouts of her own child. Now I look forward to the Joyful mysteries.
Try this: call a small local airport near you and make an appointment for a flying lesson. It will cost you about $100/$150 and take 3-4 hours altogether, but is TOTALLY worth it. You’ll watch a short safety video, and will be given a headset so you can communicate with the flight instructor. The flight instructor will do all the tricky stuff—takeoff and landing—but once you are off the ground, he/she will turn over the controls entirely to you. Actually being able to feel the plane and manually control its movements will change your perspective, I think. There is a lot more turbulence in those small planes than in big jets (and of course you won’t be anywhere near 30 000 ft.), but being in control makes all the difference. Besides, it is an amazing experience and you will get to fly around your town and see whatever you want to see. Flying is kind of expensive as a long term hobby, but I highly recommend one flying lesson, ESPECIALLY if you normally have a fear of flying.
My cousin is a commercial pilot and he taught me something important about how planes work after I told him about a “terrible” flight we had going from Split, Croatia to Rome. One of the engines exploded as we were flying over the Adriatic Sea and yes, there was much turbulence. Another cousin and I were sitting right behind the wing and saw it all perfectly. though the flight crew didn’t comment on what happened, my pilot cousin later told me that very likely the flight crew was fully in control of the plane as you need all engines for take-off, but only one functioning engine to land safely. It is more of a mid-air fireworks show than any real danger to us all, though I admit is was very unnerving. I now look at it this way—what are the chances that this would happen to someone on a flight (I don’t know, but very very slim) and now that I experienced that already, it’s very unlikely that anything big will happen again (God willing).
Thanks, Manny! I had conveniently shoved that bit of info into the dark recesses of my mind - now I get to calm my inner shrieking at the start and finish of four upcoming flights next month!! ;) (just teasing…)
Thankshought it was just me. I will reread this again before we head on vacation. God Bless You.
Jenn, have you ever flown while pregnant? The last time I did was with my first at 5 months gestation. It went okay, no worries.
Now I’ve got 3 little ones at home, and I’ll be about 3 months along when I fly in mid-July (in two whole weeks! gah!) I think I’m going to print out your post & memorize for both depart & return trips. The morbid thoughts (re: the plane, the family at home, the baby in utero, the deep vein thrombosis…all the fun ones) are starting to pop up a little more frequently!
I don’t have any fear of flying, but the Rosary did get me through one of the worst flights I had ever been on. I get travel-sick fairly easily. The plane was packed to the brim with people, it was hot, and I was tired & hungry. Then we hit the worst turbulence I’d ever experienced and it lasted for two hours. During that two hours, with eyes closed (which usually is not a good idea if you get motion sick) I clung to my Rosary beads and I think I must have prayed through all four sets.
The lady next to me noticed, because as we were on the ground and pulling up to the gate, she asked me about them.
Terrified of flying since I was 10 years old and we flew thru the eye of a thunderstorm in a twin-engine prop plane doing some island hopping on a family vacation. Ever since (and I’m nearly 50 now) I’ve been white knuckled, tense to tears every time we have to fly. Since my conversion to Catholicism and learning the beauty of the Rosary, I pray it quietly on take off and landing and any time there is turbulence. I will also say the Lord’s Prayer if I’m feeling particularly stressed. And - it works every single time. I still don’t like flying (TSA and the full personal patdown due to a hip replacement, lovely) but at least I’m no longer flying in stark terror.
Even if you don’t take a flying lesson, I recommend going up in a small plane. Sit as close to the pilot and watch his reaction to the turbulence. Hint: there won’t be any. Because he’s probably not even taking it off auto-pilot. That’s right, all that turbulence that’s scaring you to death? The plane is taking care of it without any help from the expert pilot. That’s how small of a deal turbulence is.
Jennifer, I too am a convert. Not from atheism, from protestantism. However, I never used to feel “saved”, and now I know why. And that made me very scared of dying, and VERY scared of flying (and elevators). Anyway, knowing Church teaching and how I can define that I am in a State of Grace helps a LOT. I have audio Rosary’s and lots of good Catholic podcasts. I just plug in to God, The Church, and Prayer and that keeps me much calmer. I also generally don’t let go of my Rosary beads. When things get bad…. I fall back on “Hail Mary’s” until I am calm again. I just figure that if I’m going down… I’m taking Holy Mother with me to hold my hand!
I had a terrible fear of flying that began with a very turbulent flight, and lasted for 15 years. I tried over and over to get back on a plane, and could not. Finally, I found an online program called SOAR and decided to try it. To my surprise, it workedd! I have flown four times now since finishing the program and, while I am till a bit nervous, the fear is gone. I highly recommend it.
I have tried all the tricks (altho you do have some really good ones)
and just decided after the last harrowing experience THAT’s IT!! Never
again will I fly…unless I suddenly sprout wings! That’s is my story
and I have stuck to it…for over 40 years. As far as I can see from
TV and the traveling horros divulged by friends, the experience since I last flew ( when people dressed up and were served lovely meals and drinks and sat in comfy seats with only one seat mate)the flying situation has grown steadily worse. You could not pay me! to go through the ridiculous, annoying, invasive and phobia producing experience of flying today. I am happy to go wherever car or a train will take me…Otherwise, I stay home happily…with money to spare!
Flight turbulence is very much like sudden intense labor—(“Arrrrrrrrgh, changed my mind—later, LATER!”), which unfailingly immediately after an Act of Contrition turns into, “Please, God, let it be quick—and render us unconscious FIRST!” What I didn’t just mention, and you did which toggled for me something I was never prepared for, is what hits me first, “I don’t want to die with a bunch of strangers!” Ugh, how selfish. How unCatholic! The most pleasant memory of flying other than landing in Ireland once (it didn’t hurt that there’s a saint to whom each Aer Lingus plane is dedicated for the flight’s guarding, his or her name painted right on the nose!), was the moment I fell in love with God’s creation wayyyy up there on my first big domestic flight, to Chicago. How magnificent! Imagine seeing what not even birds have seen! Truly, the unfamiliar has the power to create holy and happy awe. Nonetheless, I’m never flying again, unless I can board a sainted Irish plane, anticipating their roasted dinners, calming beverages, and lilty Irish hostesses whom I beg God would smack me at the first sign of irrational fear!
It’s funny my wife is deathly afraid of flying. She is somehow ok with takeoff and landing but hates the cruising part. I reminder all the time that 95% of all fatal crashes occur on takeoff and landing! When was the last time a plane just fell out I the sky? Never! :)
About number 5: there is a comedian who tells a story, something like this. My greatgrandfather rode horses all the time, but he was afraid to ride a train. My grandfather was fine riding trains, but was afraid to get in a car. My father drove cars all the time, but was afraid to fly. I fly all over the world, but I am afraid to ride a horse.
1. Trust the pilot
“.... so that I could stand over the pilot’s shoulder and shriek, “Why did you press that button? ....”
I had to laugh at that one, I’m a private pilot and my daughter would do that to me. The fist time I took her flying we were entering the airport landing pattern and I pulled the throttle back to idol to slow down to land when I my daughter scream “WHY DID YOU TURN THE ENGINE OFF!!!”.
My son is a pilot and I pray every day for him. He has a big responsibility. When I’m flying I’m doing the same thing. I pray for the pilots in the cockpit at that moment. This is the only thing we can do.
Matt. 10:29-31 ;)
Thanks for the post! I have never prayed for fellow passangers in terror because I really thought I am the only one… (BTW, cruising is really the safest part and eating does help; it was a bit of good psychology to invent service after take-off, it triggers the parasympathetic system.)
Great topic for discussion, esp. with summer travels! Something that helped me: my brother is an airline pilot—and as he’s heard me say many times, I trust him in a plane before I trust him in a car! I’ve flown with him and driven with him—trust me, the former is safer!!! but anyway, something he told me a long time ago has really helped me with the turbulence bit (b/c I was ALWAYS a nervous flyer): think of it as a boat bouncing on the waves of the water. That’s all turbulence is. Boats don’t just “sink” in the water as they’re cruising along; planes don’t just “fall” out of the sky, either. I won’t go ino the physics of it, but that is a really really good analogy. Air is more solid than you think! And just like wind can make for choppy seas, it can make for choppy air. Plus, I’ve seen first-hand how hard he had to work to become a pilot, and I seriously wish driver’s ed was more like pilot training. :-) Also, I agree with a previous post: go up in a tiny aircraft, and then you’ll REALLY know what a little bit of turbulence feels like!
***
re: the air-sickness comment—so sorry you went through that! But actually, closing your eyes is a VERY good thing to do when motion-sick. Without too many details, motion-sickness happens when what you feel (balance-wise, like in your inner ear) does not correspond with what you see. When the brain gets conflicting messages, it makes you feel sick. So, since you can’t control the physical sensation, closing your eyes eliminates one of the methods of input—and voila! no more brain conflict! granted, the nausea doesn’t go away that quickly, but for anyone who struggles with motion sickness, try closing your eyes at the first sense of it and see if that doesn’t help a bit. (also, a bit of cold water is good if you can get it.) If you can’t close your eyes, try to focus on a point far away, like on the horizon somewhere and that should also help level things out.
Thank you for this post! I thought I was one of very, very few! I am still scared but one thing that helped once was intercession to St. Joseph of Cupertino - who is the patron saint of those who travel by air and of pilots, because he would levitate regularly :).
I too have a ridiculous fear of flying. In March hubby and I were flying and encountered turbulence so awful when we were trying to land that our plane was diverted to a different airport. We had to get out of the plane and I talked to the pilot- he said that it was the worst turbulence he has ever encountered. That’s saying something. Before that experience I was scared, now I’m terrified. Praying has helped tremendously, but I have to say thinking about how unlikely it is that the plane I’m in will crash doesn’t help me. I imagine that those in a crash aren’t thinking, “gee the odds of this were so slim.” I need to come up with a new strategy! The rosary just might be what I’m looking for!
These are good ideas. I highly recommend “The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook” by Edmund J. Bourne, PH.D. He teaches what really works according to years of research. What really works also includes spiritual things.
Jen, thank you for this! I also have an intense fear of flying, and was beginning to feel like a failure for not achieving the zen-like calm that surely any truly faithful person would. And that made it worse…feeling not only like I might die, but if I did I obviously wasn’t prepared for it.
You know what finally helped? Xanax. No, really. Sometimes I think we have to accept that worldly means are also an option. With the Xanax, the obsessive, negative thoughts were still present, but they stopped screaming in my ear long enough that I COULD do a rosary. They were easier to look at and dismiss. So flying still isn’t pleasant, but now it’s manageable.
One thing that this helped me look at, too, is my still-present-after-conversion fear of death. I learned to accept that even though I know where I’m going (at least, I hope), it’s still ok to look at death as a scary transition and to not feel guilty about that. Even Jesus was scared when staring down the time and manner of his death. So scared he sweated blood! Yet one more reason, as you mentioned, to draw closer to him.
Grace builds on nature.
Go see a doctor, ask about an anxiolytic with a short half-life, like Emandaxin, Xanax or diazepam.
It’s quite possible, after a couple of flights with help, you might extinguish the cues that cause the panic, and not need any thereafter.
Hi Jen,
Have you ever seen the bumper sticker that says: “If God is your
co-pilot, SWITCH SEATS!”? Is the message about pilots or about faith!
The message is clear, and it is applicable at 30,000 feet or on the ground: JESUS, I TRUST IN YOU! We all need to “LET GO AND LET GOD.”
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