The Armchair Pro-Life

Sunday, March 06, 2011 9:09 PM Comments (121)

It should not surprise that I hold in low esteem a particular breed of man who, while claiming the name Catholic, supports openly and actively that wretched party of death. They fret over a folly, which they basely baptize as “social justice”, which inexplicably counsels the right of broadband internet access and condoms for the poor, while innocent life is extinguished by the millions at the cruel hands of the federally subsidized. In so doing, they weave for themselves a seamless garment as a shroud, befitting the whitewashed tombs they gaily inhabit.

Still, another breed of man occupies a rung on my ladder of loathing barely an amoeba’s head above the aforementioned—the armchair...READ MORE

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12 Reasons It's Harder to be a Dad than a Mom

Saturday, March 05, 2011 2:37 AM Comments (54)

There are thousands and thousands of Mommy blogs out there detailing the trials and difficulties of being a Mom. There aren’t a whole lot of Daddy sites out there. Or maybe there are, it’s just called ESPN. But regardless, I’m here to explain to you the many reasons it might just be harder to be a Dad than it is being a Mom. Here’s my top 12:

1) When we gain weight we can’t blame the pregnancies.

2) When one of your daughters gets in a fight at school and your other daughter yells, “Sweep the leg Johnny” everyone blames you.

3) Our fingers aren’t made for little buttons. They’re just not. If buttons needed hammering we’d be the ones to call. Finessing buttons? Not so much.

4) Dads can’t...READ MORE

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Oh my Gosh I Am Hardly Sorry for Having Upended Thee

Thursday, March 03, 2011 4:56 AM Comments (52)

My wife is the Charlie Brown of banana pickers. She always picks the sorriest looking bananas. I don’t know if she feels sorry for them or there’s something she just doesn’t understand about bananas but she always picks the craziest looking bananas.

I offered my five year old son a banana this morning when he came downstairs to get ready for school. It was the last one. And there was a reason it was the last one. It looked like every other banana’s great grandfather. I’d tried giving it to the three year old a few minutes earlier and she backed away all wide eyed with her hands up to fend me off like I was brandishing a weapon. I didn’t want the banana to go to waste so when my five year...READ MORE

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A Fat Man's Guide To Holiness

Tuesday, March 01, 2011 11:09 PM Comments (29)

I have a confession, but don’t judge me. I’m a fatty.

That’s right.  I am a a big ol’ fatty fatty of the clan Boombalatty.

But I do not write here today in some narcissistic pursuit of a cathartic revelation in which I proudly declare that “I my curves” or “curve” in my case since my shape is rapidly approaching the spherical.

No, I am not here to tell you that I look good fat. I don’t. I am here to tell you that I am good fat.

What say you, Patrick?  Everyone knows that the truly holy sport the gaunt look.  Kinda like David Bowie in the 70’s, but without all the weird androgynous-ness.  Saints are skinny.  Fat people are lazy, and lazy does not equate with holiness, you say!

Ah,...READ MORE

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Liturgical Vigilantes

Sunday, February 27, 2011 6:04 PM Comments (69)

When one thinks of notorious vigilantes, several names and personality types come to mind. Perhaps Charles Bronson or Dirty Harry, or maybe even the Dark Knight, Batman. But personally, I have yet to run into tragic costumed figure or a rogue cop who has just had enough.

But I have met a person who has had enough and can’t take it anymore, a person who has seen too much lawbreaking simply ignored by the competent authorities, a person who has finally decided to do something about it—to become a vigilante—Mrs. McGillicuddy.  She sits in the third pew on the left.

As general rule, vigilantes are not born, they are made. Their steely resolve to right the wrong, forged in the fires of...READ MORE

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When Churches Attack!!!

Thursday, February 24, 2011 2:39 AM Comments (18)

The Archdiocese of Philadelphia has recently seen a string of indictments from a grand jury report relating to the seemingly endless sex abuse scandal. To be sure, it is a sad time for the Catholic Church in Philadelphia leaving many Catholics confused and saddened.

But there are some who see the Church’s problems as an opportunity. One church just outside Philadelphia seems to be taking advantage of this issue for their own gain in a pretty creepy manner. The Philadelphia Daily News highlights that a “reformed Catholic church” is using the sex abuse crisis to their advantage by running advertisements saying you should drop that old Catholic Church and come to their NEW AND IMPROVED...READ MORE

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What's So Great About Democracy?

Tuesday, February 22, 2011 1:32 AM Comments (16)

With dictator after dictator facing early retirement over the last month, we have heard a lot of talk about democracy.

We are told that protesters are seeking democracy.  We should support democracy.  The people deserve democracy.  I say, so what?

What’s so great about democracy?

I think people sometimes mistake the means for the ends.  Democracy can be a means toward a larger goal, the securing of individual liberty.  But it is no guarantee of the same.  Without a culture supporting it, democracy can be just as bad as whatever it replaces.

Democracy in the hands of the Klingons probably still portends bad news for Starfleet, not to mention your average Klingon.

People often...READ MORE

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The Rebuilding Year—A Miraculous True Story

Sunday, February 20, 2011 9:45 PM Comments (31)

In sports, it’s called a rebuilding year. It’s when everything’s gone wrong, but there’s still hope for the future.

In life it’s called faith.

Everything went wrong a year and a day ago when 15 year old Lenny Martelli fell off his snowboard in Schwenksville Pennsylvania. His friends gathered round him as he lay in the snow and they heard the words nobody wanted to hear.

“I can’t move,” Lenny said.

This is a story about a year when reason allowed no reason to hope. It’s a story about a miracle that culminated on the basketball court at St. Joseph’s University—under the glare of television cameras from news networks and ESPN. Thousands in the stands cheered Lenny’s name, but there was no...READ MORE

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About Matthew Archbold

Matthew Archbold
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Matt Archbold graduated from Saint Joseph's University in 1995. He is a former journalist who left the newspaper business to raise his five children. He writes for the Creative Minority Report.

About Pat Archbold

Pat Archbold
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Patrick Archbold is co-founder of Creative Minority Report, a Catholic website that puts a refreshing spin on the intersection of religion, culture, and politics. When not writing, Patrick is director of information technology at a large international logistics company. Patrick, his wife Terri, and their five children reside in Long Island, N.Y.