11 Craziest Things I've Ever Heard in Church

Thursday, January 27, 2011 2:14 AM Comments (106)

1) Whispered by a father in the pew behind me to his children who were being a little noisy: “When we get to the car I’m testing all of you on what the gospel was. And if you get it wrong you’re dead.”

2) Whispered by my daughter minutes before going up for her First Communion: “Dad, I think I’m gonna’ throw up.” (She did. Our parish priest later came to our home to offer her the Eucharist but she was still sick so we waited until the next week.)

3) Said by priest who noticed that two birds had flown into the Church and were dive bombing parishioners: “Oh, I know how to get the birds out of here. I’ll baptize them and then they’ll only come back twice a year on Christmas and Easter.”

4)...READ MORE

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The Faith of Fringe

Tuesday, January 25, 2011 1:47 PM Comments (7)

I find myself in a strange situation.  One of my favorite shows on television is a show I gave up on halfway through the first season.  Fringe.

I gave up on the show halfway through the first season because I felt the show was meandering, strange, and sometimes gross.  It is still sometimes those things, but it is so much more too.

I gave up on Fringe, now in its third season, before the overall “meta narrative” became evident.  Fair warning, spoilers ahead.

The storyline goes something like this.  There is a special division of the FBI named the “Fringe” division that investigates strange occurrences somewhat like the X-files.  However, as we learn throughout the show that most of the...READ MORE

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All Mass Murderers Are Not Created Equal

Monday, January 24, 2011 1:42 AM Comments (21)

In the wake of the mass murder of seven babies by a Philadelphia abortionist I have to ask where’s the Presidential press conference? Where’s the nationally televised memorial? Where are the t-shirts with the catchy slogan? Where’s the media blame game? Where’s the feature pieces in national magazines on the societal implications of the murders?

Seriously. I’m wondering why isn’t the murder of seven babies of similar national implications to the horrible murders in Tuscon?

There are currently 15,000 mentions of Jared Loughner in the news recently, according to Google. But as of Sunday night there are less than 1,400 mentions of Dr. Kermit Gosnell. That’s 10 percent. Truly, silence is the...READ MORE

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Incendiary Stupidity or Killing Incivility

Thursday, January 20, 2011 4:25 AM Comments (26)

The following has been redacted for your own safety.

The other day I was

killing time at Target. I overheard two guys shooting the breeze about the new civility. You know, the words and phrases we are no longer allowed to say because it might trigger

a crazy person to do something, well crazy.

One guy, a real

straight shooter, then complained that the media had really jumped the gun in declaring victims of the recent shooting dead saying “It must have killed family members to hear such things.” The other agreed and attributed it to the media just gunning for ratings.

Another guy,

all up in arms, walked up and started shooting off at the mouth saying “Its all Sarah Palin’s fault!”  The first...READ MORE

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Condoms Should Come With Capes

Tuesday, January 18, 2011 2:58 AM Comments (17)

To the progressive mind, there’s nothing condoms can’t do. It’s true. The belief that synthetic rubber birth control has the ability to cure any and all of humanity’s ills is a bedrock belief of the progressive movement.

Ask a progressive how to solve the biggest problems facing the world and within a minute they’ll mention condoms. Guaranteed.

World hunger? Condoms.
AIDS? Condoms.
Global warming? Condoms.
Poverty? Condoms.
The deficit? Condoms.

In fact, have you noticed that the only times progressives even give lip service to attempting to reduce abortions is when they’re pushing free condoms. They always say that the best way to reduce abortion is…MORE CONDOMS!!! Because that’s...READ MORE

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Santo Not So Subito!

Monday, January 17, 2011 1:57 PM Comments (28)

The cries echoes up from the piazza, Santo Subito!  Santo Subito!  Sainthood Now!

I can guarantee one thing,  no one will ever hear that phrase pass my lips.

I like mail, doctor’s appointments, and State of the Union address to expeditious.  But not my saints.

Saints should be like a fine wine made at some remote monastery, made with one part fruit, one part yeast, five parts prayer, and fifty parts time.

Now, if you have ever made wine, you know that there is always a temptation to open a bottle before its time but experience teaches you not to do it.  You must wait.

Look at it another way.  How often does popular acclaim ever lead to permanent acclaim?  If popular acclaim was a...READ MORE

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Ick Factor at Memorial Rally?

Thursday, January 13, 2011 10:07 AM Comments (110)

Anyone remember solemnity anymore?  I’m not sure we do.

Watching last night’s memorial for those gunned down in Arizona I couldn’t help but feel that that the nationally televised “memorial” had little to do with the victims of last week’s tragic shooting. All the news leading up to the event was about whether President Barack Obama could deliver a stirring speech (which he did.) The news itself made the event about Obama, politicizing it before it even began.

And then the actual memorial started with a politically correct blessing from Native American Carlos Gonzalez who received a loud cheer for saying he was Mexican on his mother’s side. Yay Mexico? What’s that about? But I think it...READ MORE

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Jared Did It

Tuesday, January 11, 2011 4:42 AM Comments (86)

When Kennedy was shot, they blamed a conspiracy.

When King was shot, they blamed race.

When Reagan was shot was shot, they blamed guns.

When Oklahoma City was bombed, they blamed ideology.

When the World Trade Center was bombed by planes, some blamed Muslims and some blamed….us.

When a man shot up an Army base, they blamed…us…again.

When a man shoots a Judge, a child, and a US Representative, they blame…everybody.

Everybody but…

Even going back to the Kennedy assassination, when was the last time we blamed the person who did something horrible for doing something horrible?

When was the last time we blamed sin?

You know who I blame for the Tuscon shooting?  I blame Jared.  He chose...READ MORE

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About Matthew Archbold

Matthew Archbold
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Matt Archbold graduated from Saint Joseph's University in 1995. He is a former journalist who left the newspaper business to raise his five children. He writes for the Creative Minority Report.

About Pat Archbold

Pat Archbold
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Patrick Archbold is co-founder of Creative Minority Report, a Catholic website that puts a refreshing spin on the intersection of religion, culture, and politics. When not writing, Patrick is director of information technology at a large international logistics company. Patrick, his wife Terri, and their five children reside in Long Island, N.Y.