Just a Dad Playing Hero

12/04/2011 Comments (19)

I’ve played Barbies.  I’ll admit it. Don’t you dare judge me.  I’m a father of four girls. I had no choice.

When my oldest was a toddler it was just her and me during the week while my wife worked. So we played Barbies. A lot. She would often toddle out of the bedroom in the morning rubbing her eyes with Barbies already in her hands, ready to start playing.

“Take this please,” she’d say and simply hand the Barbie to me and sit with her legs cris-cross apple sauce next to me.

I didn’t even get to be Ken. I was a Barbie. Not even a good one. I was the leftover Barbie, you know, the one whose left arm kept falling off and whose spangled pants didn’t match the plaid shirt. It’s not even...READ MORE

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Catholic Girls Get All The Good Topics

12/02/2011 Comments (42)

As a male non-clergy blogger in the Catholic world, I wish to lodge a discrimination complaint.  Well, not really discrimination per se, but more of a whine about the unfair advantage that female Catholic bloggers have over their male counterparts.

Girls get all the good topics.  By good, I mean the kind that lead to lady cat fights in the comboxes, ya know, good.  Guys just don’t have this kind of well from which to draw from.  I think some examples are in order.

Breastfeeding.  Girls can go there, guys can’t even drive by the neighborhood.  I am even uncomfortable writing the word.  But female Catholic bloggers always have the breastfeeding font from which to draw material.  I realize...READ MORE

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The Seven Worst Christmas Specials…Evah!

11/30/2011 Comments (73)

I’ve got a bunch of kids. And I’ve got a television. This is a recipe for disaster, especially around Christmas time. If my kids see an ad for a Christmas special they’re on their knees pleading
“pleasecanwestayuptowatchitjustthisonceandwepromisewe’llgorighttobedandwewon’thiteachotherevenwhentheydeserveitandwe’llevenreadtomorrowpleasepleaseplease…

And I invariably say yes mainly because Christmas specials were a big deal for me as a kid. A really big deal. But I’ve noticed something while watching Christmas specials with my kids…they stink. Most of them stink really bad. Never mind the fact that most don’t even mention Jesus outside of that weird long eared donkey one. They’re just really...READ MORE

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Triple My Non Sum Dignus, Please

11/27/2011 Comments (22)

Its official, we are now blessed with the new English translation of the Roman Missal which went into effect this past weekend.  By way of reporting, all went very well in my parish.  The people seemed ready, they payed attention more than usual, and hit all changes well.  Our priest had a tougher time of it.  He caught himself falling back on old habits more than once, correcting himself by reading veeeeeerrrrrryyyyy slooooooowly.  It made me smile.

But now a little confession. For the first time in years I actually said the “Lord, I am not worthy….” Actually, for the first time in years I actually said it in English.  The translation of this particular line of the liturgy was so off,...READ MORE

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PETA Ad Features Baby as Main Course for Thanksgiving

11/24/2011 Comments (26)

The nutjobs at the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) always try to get noticed for how loony they’ve actually become. And let’s be honest, they do a good job at that. Well, this week, they’ve outdone themselves.

According to the LA Times:

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals put its Thanksgiving baby feast up for display in Philadelphia and, most recently, on Tuesday in Baltimore.

“They set up a table” on a Baltimore sidewalk, PETA media coordinator Adam Miller told the Los Angeles Times, “like a Thanksgiving spread, with silverware and plates and stuff and the baby in the middle.”

Not a real baby but a doll, he said, and the display featured signs that read,...READ MORE

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There Are No Protestants In The Marathon

11/23/2011 Comments (54)

When you are suffering at mile 24 of the marathon, some thoughts become crystal clear.  As I ran in the Philly marathon this past Sunday, one obvious truth and one question kept popping up in my head.

How could anyone running a marathon not believe in Purgatory?

Metaphors are inherently flawed.  That said, miles twenty to twenty-six of the marathon make an awfully good metaphor for purgatory. (Emphasis on the awfully)

Let’s start at the beginning.  Nobody makes you do a marathon.  You choose to enter and you choose to train.  That finish line is a place that you really want to cross.  Something awaits you at the end of the marathon that makes you want to suffer.  Make no mistake about...READ MORE

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Pamela Anderson Playing the Virgin Mary Says It All

11/20/2011 Comments (28)

Pamela Anderson, the silicon enhanced sex tape star and Playboy centerfold, will be playing the Virgin Mary in a sketch comedy show that will appear on the Comedy Network and in Canada.

Anderson will play the mother of Jesus opposite comedian Russell Peter Joseph in a mock manger scene in a comedy sketch Christmas special. CTV described the special as Peters’ “irreverent twist” on the Christmas special.

But I have to wonder—what’s the twist? There’s no twist to irreverence anymore. It’s been done and overdone.

Irreverence is so commonplace that it’s now the norm.

Honestly, how is it an “irreverent twist” when nobody’s making reverent Christmas specials anymore? You want to shock us,...READ MORE

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My God, My God. Why Hast Thou Left The Gun And Taken The Cannoli?

11/16/2011 Comments (46)

Were I to say to any man between the age of 18 to 60,  “Leave the gun, take the cannoli,” I would venture to say that 99% would know exactly what I was taking about. Don’t you?

Of course, I am quoting “The Godfather.”  Any self-respecting dude has memorized almost every line of that movie.  It is our mutual cultural reference point.  If I say to someone “You gotta go to the mattresses,” they automatically understand that I am encouraging them to fight with everything they have and to bring that fight to the enemy.

I was working overnight on a major systems upgrade.  Some colleagues and I were sitting around while the systems engineers did their voodoo.  Somehow the conversation turned to...READ MORE

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About Matthew Archbold

Matthew Archbold
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Matt Archbold graduated from Saint Joseph's University in 1995. He is a former journalist who left the newspaper business to raise his five children. He writes for the Creative Minority Report.

About Pat Archbold

Pat Archbold
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Patrick Archbold is co-founder of Creative Minority Report, a Catholic website that puts a refreshing spin on the intersection of religion, culture, and politics. When not writing, Patrick is director of information technology at a large international logistics company. Patrick, his wife Terri, and their five children reside in Long Island, N.Y.